Wipe Your Backside With Moby-Dick

Someone is selling a ... 'unique' copy of Melville's Moby-Dick on eBay.

I really do mean 'unique'. This particular copy of the great American novel was hand-typed onto rolls of toilet paper. An ultra-softcover, if you will.

The current, and only, bid stands at $199.95 US dollars. It doesn't reach the auction's reserve, so you've still got a chance to become the proud owner of this fabulous example of raw, human determination.

Why? I'll leave that to seller the_heppcat:

"My friend and I once joked that toilet paper should have instructions printed on them for certain people," says the listing. "One day, the conversation grew from there and turned into a wager that i couldn't (or wouldn't) be able to type out a novel on toilet paper."

Heppcat evidently won that bet, after managing to squeeze the entirety of Melville's 200,000-word-plus warning against the dangers of unfettered whale-hate onto four-and-a-bit rolls of clean, 2-ply, Cottonelle toilet paper. Only the best bog-roll will do for classic literature.

"I've kept this mod oddity in a box in a cool, dry place for the last 10 years and have only broken it out to prove to doubters that I actually did it," continues the listing. "Considering what it's been through, it's in amazing condition."

Indeed. From Hell's heart, I wipe at thee.