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Emo Haircuts Might Ruin Your Eyesight

| 16 May 2012 07:50
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A Tasmanian optometrist warns teens against the dangers of the "emo cut."

You've seen the "emo cut" before. It's that odd, lopsided haircut that makes kids look like they're trying to cosplay as Tim Burtonesque version of Dr. Blight from Captain Planet. Well not only does it look a bit silly, but according to to the director of the Optometrists Association of Tasmania, the haircut could lead to amblyopia - better known as lazy eye.

Talking to The Mercury, optometrist Andrew Hogan laid it out straight for tight-pants-wearing teens who might be ruining their vision.

"If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won't see a lot of detail," he said. "And if it happens from a young age, that eye can become amblyotic [sic]."

Roseanne Anderson, a hairdresser and salon owner, also offered her medical opinion on the haircut.

"I have to wonder how they don't get a stiff neck," she said. "I have seen lots of fashions come and go, but this is probably the only hairstyle in my forty years of hairdressing that could be a health hazard."

Anderson and Hogan's apocalyptic vision of a future filled entirely with half blind, stiff-necked teens with stupid haircuts picking aimlessly through the ruins of civilization, occasionally bumping into each other, seems unavoidable at this point, but The Mercury did give the opposition a fair hearing.

"My parents would like me to have a haircut," declared "emo cut" owner, Hamish Harrison, 17, "but I'm not cutting my hair at all."

Unfortunately, MSNBC had to go and ruin all the fun with their "facts" and "research." They contacted one Dr. Leonard Press, who responded with the following:

"The story would only be true if you had somebody young enough, and if that person never looked out of that eye -- if it was blocked 24-7. The reason it's false is that you don't have that constant deprivation."

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