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Lawsuit Demands Porn Filters For All Apple Products

| 13 Jul 2013 20:25
Macbook Air

A Tennessee attorney has filed a lawsuit demanding Apple install filters to block porn on all of its products, because he can't stop looking at it.

Chris Sevier is a lawyer with a problem. He can't stop looking at porn. He can't stop comparing hot, young porn actresses to his wife, who it is implied is neither hot nor young. And he can't stop looking at porn. Did I mention that he can't stop looking at porn? Because he can't. Because porn.

But while this is Sevier's problem, in his worldview it's not actually his fault. It's Apple's fault, because Apple sold him a device that can access pornographic content despite the fact that it knows (or should have known) that it is addictive, unhealthy and downright un-American, causing "American girls traveling abroad to be abducted and cast into sex trafficking, since the proliferation of unfiltered pornography has given rise to a demand of illegal depravity."

The solution, according to Sevier, is simple: Every Apple product must be sold with a preinstalled and preset filter that blocks all access to all pornography. Users who want to view porn on their hardware would first have to prove that they are at least 18 years of age and then receive and acknowledge a warning from Apple about the dangers of porn. If, at that point, the user still wants to indulge, Apple would provide a password to bypass the filter and everyone goes away happy.

Sevier's lawsuit states that his problems began when he purchased a Macbook Pro from a Tennessee Apple Store. Using it as directed, he was able to access the internet, but shortly thereafter things fell apart. "In using Safari, the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled 'facebook.com' which lead him to 'fuckbook.com' and a host of websites that caused him to see pornographic images that appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and lead to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences," the lawsuit states.

"The Plaintiff began to prefer the cyber beauties over his wife, which caused his marriage to fail. His wife abducted his son and disappeared, which was a subsequent consequence of Apple's decision to sell its computer not on 'safe mode'," it continues. "The Plaintiff became depressed and despondent, unable to work as a result of observing porn on his Macbook and the impact it caused. The Plaintiff will have to continue to seek counseling to overcome the damaging impact that observing pornographic images online caused."

The suit goes on for 50 brilliant pages and concludes with a demand for an injunction requiring porn filters on all Apple products, a donation by Apple to agencies battling "the systemic problems that have stemmed from Apple's negligent decision to not safeguard its customers from the inherent dangers of viewing pornography," roughly $75,000 to cover loss of income and medical expenses and a public statement from Apple about the risks and dangers of porn. However, if Apple agrees to begin selling its products with porn filters installed and active before trial, Sevier says he will halt his litigation.

In his defense (so to speak), Sevier is in fact suffering from some kind of psychological disability: In December of 2011 he was placed on "disability inactive status" by the Tennessee Supreme Court for "mental infirmity or illness." Could there be a connection? Probably not, but it's still a great read.

Source: Above the Law

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