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Oscar "Losers" In Top Categories Still Get $232K Goodie Bags

| 23 Feb 2016 19:43
toilet paper

Don't cry for the actors who don't win one of the top 5 awards. a marketing company has come up with a gift package worth $232,000 for the losers.

Congratulations! You were nominated in the Best Actor or Actress, Best Supporting Actor or Actress, or Best Director categories for an Academy Award. What? You didn't win? That's OK, here is your $232,000 consolation prize. Thanks for all your hard work!

Yep, that's right. The consolation package for the people that don't take home an Oscar in those big five categories will be able to drown their sorrows with trips, fitness and beauty goodies, free rental cars and other extravagances, courtesy of Hollywood-based marketing firm Distinctive Assets.

Here's the run down of the goodies:

  • Haze Dual Vaporizer ($249.99)
  • Personalized M&Ms ($300)
  • A 10,000-meal donation made in the nominee's name to an animal shelter or rescue of their choice ($6,300)
  • A lifetime supply of Pu-erh Tea Nourishing Cream and Pu-erh Tea Cleansing Bar ($31,200)
  • A year's worth of Silvercar rentals ($45,000)
  • 10-day all-expenses-paid trip to Israel ($55,000)
  • Tribute video services ($125)
  • Caolion Ultimate Pore Care gift set ($134)
  • Healing Saint Luminosity skin serum and hair follicle stimulant ($193)
  • Private walking tour of Japan for up to 15 days ($54,000)
  • 10 personal training sessions with Alexis Seletzky ($900)
  • Belldini gift certificate ($300+)
  • Chapstick ($6)
  • Chocolatines Drunken Fig Cake Bites ($35)
  • Dandi Patch to make sweat stains disappear ($21)
  • Delovery gift basket ($2,000)
  • Druzy earrings ($25)
  • Fit Club TV "Ultimate Fitness Package" ($6,250)
  • Gleener on the Go ($11.99)
  • 3-day stay at the Golden Door Resort & Spa in San Marcos, CA ($4,800)
  • 3-night stay at the Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria in Sorrento, Italy ($5,000)
  • 3-night stay at the Grand Hotel Tremezzo in Lake Como ($5,000)
  • Greenhill Blanc de Blancs wine ($39)
  • Hydroxycut Gummies ($19.88)
  • 3 fitness training sessions with Jay Cardiello ($1,400)
  • Joseph's Toiletries toilet paper ($275)
  • Sterling silver necklace ($150)
  • Memobottles ($47)
  • El Silencio Mezcal ($75)
  • Mission1 protein bar ($5.64)
  • Nuelle Fiera arouser for her ($250)
  • Phantom Glass screen protector ($49.95-$59.95)
  • Purely Inspired Organic Protein ($19.97)
  • Rouge Maple culinary products ($99)
  • Sedone Lace makeup brush set ($109.95)
  • Signature Vodka ($70)
  • Slimware plates ($29.95)
  • Steamist spa system ($5,060)
  • Sundial powder coating ($500)
  • Blow dryers and flat irons ($250)
  • Vampire Breast Lift ($1,900)
  • Wallet ($125)
  • 740 Park plastic surgery ($5,530)

The most expensive items are a $55,000 10-day trip to Israel, a $54,000 15-day private walking tour in Japan, and $45,000 in free rental car service for a year from Silvercar. The cheapest? A Mission1 Protein Bar for $5.64 and Chapstick for $6.

The weirdest, although probably not for Hollywood, is the $1,900 Vampire Breast Lift, which takes blood from your arm and inserts it into your breast from improved cleavage. I'm sure that will look great on Matt Damon. OK, his wife will probably get it. And then there is the $5,530 plastic surgery gift from 740 Park, and the $275 Joseph's toilet paper.

Excuse me while I go heat up my microwave pizza on elegant paper plates, and then get cleaned up with my Suave for Men and Colgate toothpaste. Well, at least I have my Chapstick.

Source: The Daily Beast, via Town & Country

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