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Zombies Get Some Lovin' In Left 4 Dead Porn

| 24 Feb 2009 21:23
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Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions. And if there was ever any doubt, allow me to present the short adult film based on Valve's hit zombie shooter Left 4 Dead, with a title so obvious I'm not even going to say it.

Okay, I'll say it: Left 4 Head is a 12-minute amateur porn film that finds Zoey (who actually looks kind of like Zoey) lost and alone in a search for Louis, Francis and Bill. But while exploring an abandoned house, instead of finding her fellow survivors she stumbles upon a hidden Smoker. Except that's not his tongue, it's his 30-foot long, prehensile undead wang and it's Zoey's turn to do some smoking!

She's able to pull out her pistol and blow away the zombie but a few moments later another one catches her by surprise and to her apparent (although not particularly enthusiastic) consternation, the pistol is lost but the blowing continues. The remaining seven minutes of the video manages to be simultaneously disturbing, hilarious and oddly riveting, so to speak.

Okay, I'll stop there. But I can't honestly say what this is all about. It's possible the porn industry is going viral by releasing a quickie crossover video appealing directly to gamers, but isn't that kind of redundant? It's not as though porn needs to make a big breakthrough with the gamer demographic and it's not as though gamers, to feed the stereotype, aren't already up to their (eye)balls in porn anyway.

The video itself is telling, too. While the admittedly fantastic boobs come out around the third minute, it's little more than a brief flash; the real action doesn't start until well past the fourth, a huge delay in terms of "real" porn vids that are typically full steam ahead by that point. A full third of this video is dedicated to watching Zoey tramp around (so to speak) looking for her pals, including a zombie-shooting scene of zero interest to the average porn hound but that does add a certain cachet for Left 4 Dead fans. Sound effects in the film (aside from Zoey, who ends up sounding like a herd of murlocs through the second half) are also lifted directly from the game.

My theory? A handful of L4D fans got themselves a video camera, hired a pro and had some fun. Is this the next Escape From City 17? No, and I don't think Valve will be expressing too much admiration for it either. On the other hand, the Purchase Brothers didn't work any T&A into their film. So I'm calling this one a draw.

Source: Destructoid

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