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Halo 3 Players Kill Ten Billion Covenant

| 13 Apr 2009 21:44
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Congratulations, Halo 3 players. Your merciless souls, drained of any respect for life by the horrors of galactic warfare, have killed ten billion Covenant.

The Covenant may be heartless aliens with ugly mouths and squat for brains, but hey, they have hearts too. And brains. And souls. I don't meant to sound like a hippie or something here, but when I look into the eyes of you Halo 3 players, I see nothing but cold, dead killing machines. Show me a group of humans that could amass a Campaign mode kill count of ten billion dead Covenant. Show them to me.

It's not just the number that's staggering, it's the efficiency with which Halo 3 players completed this horrifying act. According to Bungie, there are over 17,500,000 Covenant killed per day, or, in other terms, 730,000 killed an hour, or, 12,000 killed a minute. Simply astounding.

Of course, Bungie, being the sadists they are, as they must be to have engineered a game that could make possible such atrocities, are reveling in this "accomplishment." They've concluded that were "we able to lay the corpses of the fallen Covenant in some kind of gruesome, macabre ring around the circumference of the Earth, we'd have to make the trip some 456 times." Those bodies would stretch across 11,363,636 miles.

Even worse, they see this not only as a landmark but a launching pad for more death. "Mighty fine work," they said. "Here's to ten billion more." And the halls of Xbox Live will run neon blue with the blood of thousands of grunts slain.

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