LoveFAQ is a weekly advice column for geeks, by geeks about love, life and maxing out your romance meter. Got questions for LoveFAQs? Send them to [email protected].
Dear Love FAQ,
This girl I'm interested in is great. We get along well; she's fit; and although she isn't a monstrous geek, she does dabble in Halo or L4D when she gets the chance.
I asked her out, and she said no. Now, this usually wouldn't bother me so much, but one of the biggest reasons she rejected me is because I'm not Christian.
This is something that is actually completely beyond the scope of my understanding. I poke fun at theists every now and again, yes, and she knows that, but she also knows that ultimately I will respect anyone's beliefs. While I understand why having a partner of the same religion would be ideal, I cannot understand why she makes it a prerequisite, giving up what could be a rewarding relationship with someone who's great with her in every other way. Is there a way this could be worked around or is this just a lost cause?
The Lonely Heathen
Dear Lonely Heathen,
Lost cause. Sorry.
Whether or not you agree with her about religion is irrelevant, because this divide isn't really about Jesus. It's about her definitions about what she wants in a man and a relationship. She might've instead specified any number of criteria - she needs a man with a job; a gamer; someone who doesn't want children; etc - but she didn't, because the fact is: A shared faith is what truly matters to her. And who are you to tell her that her priorities are the wrong ones, simply because you don't like them?
Yes, it sucks, and yes, she's missing out. But that's her loss. So stop wasting your time on a girl who doesn't share your priorities. Go find someone more like you, who doesn't want Jesus as their wingman.
P.S. In the future, quit mocking the faith of girls you're interested in, even if you only do it "every now and then". What you think of as "poking fun" may instead be interpreted as "ridiculing my deeply-held beliefs," and nobody wants to sleep with someone they think is an insensitive jackass.
Dear Love FAQ,
For several years, I had been in a long-distance (think different continents) relationship with another woman. It was hard and frustrating, and it finally came to an end recently with the painful revelation that she had been cheating on me for about two years with a guy in her area code. They even got engaged at the beginning of the year.
Now, that doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would, because I could feel her pulling away and knew that it was ending. If she hadn't ended it, I would have. What hurts is the fact that, for two years, she strung me along.
But I still like her, and enjoy speaking with her, and generally think that she's a decent person. And now that everything is out in the open and it's accepted that our relationship is over, I would still like to be friends. Only, I'm still hurt and angry.
I value her as a friend, but am I just setting myself up for more disappointment to stay on friendly terms with her? I'm not sure I can forgive her for not saying anything sooner, but I don't want to lose her friendship.
The Tyrol to Her Sharon