LoveFAQ is a weekly advice column for geeks, by geeks about love, life and maxing out your romance meter. Got questions for LoveFAQs? Send them to [email protected].
Dear Love FAQ,
I met a girl in one of my school classes this year. I think she's really cute and she seems nice. I was thinking about trying to get to know her better, maybe even ask her out.
However, she was missing from school for a couple weeks because she was in the hospital. She came back to school recently and it turns out that she has to visit the hospital rather frequently. This is a bit of a problem because I have a phobia of needles and syringes, especially those intravenous things they always hook patients up to. If we were to start dating, I'm afraid that I would need to start visiting the hospital, which I tend to have quite a bit of trouble doing.
Should I just man up and ask her out? Or would she more trouble than it's worth?
Not Looking to Check Into Brookhaven Hospital
Well, I suppose it is possible that, if you ask her out, you may eventually reach a point where you'd be expected to visit her in the hospital. But you could say the same about any fairly unpleasant and intimate activity, like throwing away her used tissues or picking her hair out of your shower drain.
That's just the way it is in a relationship: As your level of commitment grows, you naturally let down your defenses and start farting and vomiting and scratching yourself in all manner of undignified places. But by the time you get to that point, you generally don't mind as much, because love has a way of dampening most of the unsavoriness.
But I'm putting the kart before the koopa shell here. Asking a girl out isn't equivalent to snuggling up to her IV bag to watch Days of Our Lives re-runs. It's just asking a girl out.
So stop talking yourself out of it and do it already.
Who knows? You might find that love makes you braver than you ever thought possible. Or you might get so squicked out that even the sight of her bare forearms will fill you with dread. Either way, you won't know until you go for it. And if you don't ask her out, you'll always wonder what would've happened if you did. So go live your life with as few regrets as possible.
All the same, you still might want to avoid any Halloween parties where she plans to dress as a sexy nurse.
Dear Love FAQ,
I live in a relatively small town, and I am one the very few nerd girls there. Don't get me wrong, I love being a nerd chick. But my problem is: Guys have started flirting with me and I have no idea how I'm supposed to react. Do I smile back? Slap him? Run away?
- Morrigan Disapproves (-40)
Whoa there, Witch of the Wilds. Slow down a tick. Harmless flirtation doesn't count as casus belli.
Generally in polite society, when one person flirts with another, the polite thing to do is to flirt back. Or smile. Or otherwise acknowledge the compliment and move on.
And if you're not interested in any game the guy's serving up? A simple "Thanks, but no thanks," or "I'm flattered, but not interested," or heck, even "You're not my type," will effectively shut down any further unwanted attention.
Don't let yourself be harassed, of course, but an errant pick-up line isn't the end of the world, and you'll find most men are more than willing to let the issue drop if you politely but firmly make your disinterest clear.
In the meantime, you may want to ask yourself why you react so violently to the idea of someone finding you attractive. Seems like a larger story lurks here that's worth exploring.