Love FAQTaking Fashion Tips from Tim Curry and Other Matters of the HeartLove FAQ - RSS 2.0
LoveFAQ is a weekly advice column for geeks, by geeks about love, life and maxing out your romance meter. Got questions for LoveFAQs? Send them to [email protected].
Dear Love FAQ,
I'm a 19-year-old girl looking for love. Meeting anyone through work isn't an option, and I'm not into the whole bar scene, and even if I were, I've never actually had anyone come up to me in a bar, even just to talk.
My look could be described as geek chic meets Rocky Horror, but apparently that's not attractive to the type of people I'm attracted to. So I guess my question is this: how do I meet/attract guys, without sacrificing what makes me 'me'? (You have no idea how many times I've toyed with the ridiculous idea of dying my pink hair brown and throwing away all my corset tops.)
There's nothing wrong with expressing yourself. But if you indeed don your best Frank-N-Furter pearls and garter belt to hit the grocery store, then you're not dressing to express - you're dressing to intimidate. Clothing signals to strangers how we prefer to be viewed, and when taken together, your pink hair, corset tops, and other sartorial choices sound so stratospherically over-the-top that you practically scream "stay away".
I'm not saying you should dye your hair platinum blonde or start wearing sackcloth, or in any way change what makes you "you". But you're already an awesome person, a free spirit with a great sense of humor and adventure - and excellent taste in movies. You don't need to bash others over the heads with your awesome. People will get the idea, even if you don't wear wacky clothing - in fact, your strengths will become even more obvious, because your clothes won't distract people from seeing them.
That's not to say you should torch your corset tops. Just rethink the way you integrate them into your wardrobe. Fashion is, ironically, all about balance. If you like corsets, then mix them with more conservative pieces: jeans, tees, jackets, etc. If pink hair's your bag, then pair it with a modern wardrobe, so your hair becomes a natural accent instead of the exclamation point on top of your head.
And remember venue: Some sartorial options are more appropriate to certain situations than others. Just as you wouldn't wear a hospital gown to the bank, you probably shouldn't wear corset tops to class or work or, well, the bank. Fashion has both function and place.
Ultimately, however, they're just clothes. And you are not your clothes. Changing what you wear doesn't mean you're changing you; it's just changing the strips of fabric you've wrapped yourself in, that's all.
Dear Love FAQ,
I have been dating this girl for 7 months and we have been living together for 3 months. I took her virginity and she was fine ... until we got a place together. Then she got uber-clingy.
When I ask for space, she gets depressed, almost as if I'd told her that I killed her dog. She has only two friends, one of which hates me, as does her family. She never goes out without me and I cannot go out without her.
She spends all her money, only leaving enough for rent and groceries; I pay the hydro bill, internet bill plus my cell phone. I only have enough to buy a game once in a blue moon while she goes out and buys purses and tops galore.
I am not happy with her anymore. How do I remove myself from this before it's too late? How can I be sure she will be alright without me to support her financially?
Dating Via U-Haul Truck