I walk a little ways down the road. Man, this walking gets a little boring. Do I get my mount soon?
And speaking of mounts:
A black rider! The Nazgul! One of the nine devils of the world. Is that right? Something like that. Okay, I'm not really sure what the hell he is. I'm not up to speed on my legendary evil beings, but that's because I didn't expect to meet any of them while trying to do a mail run.
A little ways ahead, I run into Bounder Boffin, who is busy being chatted up by the Nazgul:
The Nazgul, having wounded Bounder Boffin with nothing more than the World's Tamest Insult, rides off into the distance.
For those of you keeping score at home, "Boffin" is his name and "Bounder" is his job title, not the other way around. It's kind of an all-around cop / handyman position. They also deliver the mail, which means this is one of the pants-wetters responsible for me having to make this trip in the first place.
As I approach, I can see that Boffin is quivering and wiping snotty tears off his face.
Hello Boffin. You look as as brave as you are tall. How can I help you during this difficult time of faffing about instead of delivering my mail?
Boffin is scared and wants me to escort him to safety. Sure, no problem. I mean, since I'm already out and doing your job I might as well take you for walksie, right?
Boffin has me look in his satchel for a... weapon?
His bag does indeed have a "knife", which I'm pretty sure is just half of a pair of safety scissors. I'm talking about a knife so dull it would be better to use my hands, even if my foe was a slice of hot toast in need of butter.
Thus "armed", I join Boffin and we head on through the nearby door in the hedge wall. (Don't ask, it's a Hobbit thing.)