Guilty Pleasures

Guilty Pleasures
When I was a Sex Goddess

Amanda Yesilbas | 16 Dec 2008 08:57
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>The short diaphanous gown skims the top of her creamy white thighs casting enticing shadows with each small movement.

I went on to describe the full swell of breasts tipped with the suggestion of rosy pink flowers, flaming curls of hair that dance with each movement and soft lips set in a suggestive smile. The exact wording is mercifully lost on a hard drive two computers ago, but once upon a time that was me, back when I was the goddess of sex, beauty and, nominally, love.

Of course, one doesn't start out as a sex goddess. I started out as a humble, barely computer-literate player on a tiny MUD (multi-user dungeon) that was still in beta. A MUD is a text-based online game played with people from around the world in real time. You chat, form parties, kill, grind, level and act out all your deepest needs, wants and neuroses. My little slice of internet fantasy was a roleplay-enforced MUD based on a popular Dungeons & Dragons setting. The administrators of the game, called Immortals, were each assigned a godly profile from the campaign setting. At the height of my online sexual rampage, I rightfully carried the title of Goddess of Love and Sex.


It might be hard for modern MMOG players to understand the appeal of comparatively primitive MUDs, but for me there will never be anything to compete with the power of words. You have the ability to shape your character with complete freedom. My physical description could linger on the flare of my hips, and my movements were only limited by my imagination. I lightly brushed, slowly caressed, rapidly thrust, inhaled sharply, coyly smiled, brightly blushed, flushed, moaned, gasped and laughingly tossed my hair in a swath of destruction and broken hearts. Beyond my own movements, I could shape the world around me. A few deft words described the shadows, the light, the tastes and the sounds. I'd like to see an avatar do all of that.

It started in a tale as old as the modem itself. My college boyfriend was ignoring me for a MUD. He would drag me to the university library on the weekends so he could get his fix. This was especially ugly because we went to different schools three hours apart, and I only saw him on the weekends. I had two options at that point: moon around the library sighing despondently, or join the game. (I guess there was the third option of dumping him, but that didn't occur to me until later.)

My boyfriend was already an Immortal by the time I joined the game, and administrators were not allowed to have player characters. This left me to find my own playmates. In my days as a player character I had a very strict code of conduct. I would only communicate with others in character. I would never divulge personal data about myself or share my name. And I would not chat via instant messenger outside of the game with anyone.

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