Post puns

Let's have some pun, everyone. Post the punniest puns you can think of.

Let me start, a waitress at a restaurant brought the patrons bread, and one of the patrons said "that's what I call bringing in the bread."

I'm not going to PUNish this website by participating in this.

Cause Im lazy and love Game Grumps

Well, let's get the obvious out of the way:

At one point, I have played and beaten Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, for the first time, ten years after it released.

So this is a rare example of a pun both intended and not intended.

Last night, I had a dream that I had written Lord of the Rings. The wife said that I was Tolkien in my sleep.

Well, let's get the obvious out of the way:

Krillin, Krillout, and De Niro, De Faro got me the most...I guess I like jokes that adjust distance.

My all-time favorite joke will always be:

I'm just gonna start groaning before I even read this.

Well, let's get the obvious out of the way:

Speaking of Krillin puns. I saw these socks at EB Games and was very tempted to buy them.


Student: "Do I have to do these steps in order to solve this math problem?"
Professor: "No, the order doesn't matter, there are abelian different ways you could do this."

So a few years back I visited Canada for the first time. I made a few friends there and one of them, Michael was really into hiking.
He bugged me for a few days about going for a hike and on my second last day I finally relented and said yes.

We hiked for a while and it was fine, a few pine trees and some good views but nothing too exciting. Until on the way back Micheal suddenly stopped.

"Shit is that? Holy-! Jacob look it's a bacon tree!"

His face lit up with a massive smile and before I could even ask what a bacon tree was Mike took off running.
Three seconds later *BANG* Michael was shot. Panicked I fell to the floor and crawled my way over to him... It was bad, There was blood everywhere and he was barely conscious. I cried....

"Mike! Mike, what happened?"

Pulling me closer he paused, coughing up blood he spluttered his last words.

"Jacob it wasn't a bacon tree.......It was a ham bush."

"My friend gave me some dead batteries."
"Did you have to pay for them?"
"Nah, they were free of charge."

What do you call a five foot tall psychic who escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.

A physicists is on a roof of a very tall skyscraper and sees a man about to leap off. "Don't jump!" he shouts "You have so much potential!"

There was a recent breakthrough study on fellatios. Many have called it very insightful, though some found the results rather hard to swallow.

The two white actors in Black Panther also played Gollum and Bilbo Baggins. That makes them the Tolkien white guys.

Why was Hitmonchan called Hitmonchan?, he wasn't Rocky enough.

My family would like to thank Generic Funeral Home for their support in this time. My brother was always a huge fan of the funeral business, he was dying to get into it. Many say that the business is dead, but they made the grave mistake of getting burned by the cremation industry. You might think my brother is in this over his head, but he is not just another working stiff! He looks forward to getting down to earth and buried in work.

A Worldwide Punomenon.

Did you hear about the guy who had a gun made of Jello?

Thanks for watching, don't forget to like and subscribe.

I once made a Worgen priest on WoW named 'JoanofBark'. Possibly the best pun I ever came up with.

You shall all be crushed beneath the treads of my Punzer division!

Actually, keep it up. I love puns.

The Truth! You can't CANDLE the truth!

By the durgrace of god, I am living the bream!

You don't hold a candlefish to me!

you hit him right on the blackjaw!

I once made a Worgen priest on WoW named 'JoanofBark'. Possibly the best pun I ever came up with.

I see you and raise you a cleric named Shaquille O'Heal!

Someone once said that he only ate Soul Food growing up. It was his Soul Food source.

smokin' weedle ---> Kakuna Matata! ---> Muhamad A-BEE! (may he rest in peace.)

I have too much puns.

It's kind of location specific but there's a hairdresser near when I live in a little village outside a major town called "rural fringe"

There's also a chip shop in Battersea (home of a famous neglected dog home) called "Battersea Battered Cod's Home".

I also saw an eletric light shop in Norwich called "matchless lighting", not sure if it was on purpose.

Oh and when I was drunk I suggested my Islamic friend call her new cake shop business Allahu Cakebar. She said it would be inappropriate.

When patrice evra signed for west ham the hashtag was 4evrablowingbubbles with a picture of him doing that. His shirt is number 4.

The best footie chant I ever heard was at newcastle v palace when Cabaye was about to take a penalty and Darlow was in goal and 3 blokes started singing, "you say Cabaye, I say Darlow, Cayabe Cabaye, I don't know why you say Cabaye I say Darlow". The foresight.

I think fish are the easiest puns but I'm sick to gills of them. It really tips the scales, you can trawl for hours, Cod, I'll stop, I'm a sprat etc

I have too much puns.

Much fun but mostly not puns... but if they are allowed.....

I used to be into necrophilic sadistic bestiality but I realised I was just flogging a dead horse

dum tish try the steak



None of you can stand to the might of Barbara Punkelman!

The weather here in Britain is snow joke...

...sorry...I'll just go.

Well, revisiting a former post of mine, let's go into some simple implications for a moment. You all know of Mahatma Gandhi, right? Indian activist, one of the codifiers of modern nonviolent civil disobedience? Well let's think for a minute here about his lifestyle. The guy walked around barefoot most of the time, so he naturally developed a very impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also quite visibly frail due to his famously low food intake, and what he did eat gave him some rather bad breath. In other words he was a super-callused-fragile-mystic, hexed by halitosis.

If you're confused by the joke, try saying that last bit quickly.


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