His parents where killed by a chimney sweep.
His parents raised him to hate Christmas!
Was raised by trial and error.
His mum took his spiked eggnog and gave it to the Christmas carolers
Drinks nonalcoholic beer.
Only pretends to like beer; he much prefers ginger ale
Doesn't know who Bruce Campbell is.
Went insane and started killing all her friends, because of a mysterious curse on the village
Doesn't have an actual boomstick.
Is really angry each time you see him smiling at you...
Hates everyone here unconsciously.
Loves everyone here unconsciously.
Loves everyone here unconditionally.
Doesn't know what conditioner is.
Has Pokemon porn on his computer
Sleeps on a bed made of burritos.
Never had a burrito before.
Creates alternate methods to wash cars.
Betrayed Leia to the Empire
Is addicted to the Escapist
His heart is actually very warm.
Hart is only mildly cold.
Completely removed their heart and placed it in a jar