You know you've been on the Escapist too long when...

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My new Walther has arrived.

Dodge has gone bust.

The chocolate needs to be eaten.

You look like you need a pork bun. Why haven't you bought one yet?

One can now collect honour awards for a hobby.

Your feet were replaced by little wheels at some point in your sleep.

Someone put the spice Melange in the Bolognese.

People are getting pretty blatant about their farts.

There's still time for a crafty one.

All the rooftop fire exit doors are bolted.

The France V Kazakhstan game ended 2 - 1.

France is now playing against North Korea.

Antarctica is top holiday destination.

Scotland has invented the Scotch banana.

It has happened twice this week.

...And it was a horrendous waste of grilled cheese and nachos.

The sausages are perfect.

...But the toast is ruined.

There's a new pool in town.

You are the only normal person in here.

TiVo is full.

Cable is worth paying for.

Red Dwarf has a hyperdrive.

You only post in the same five or so threads.

You feel like a bag of frozen sweetcorn.

It's Crappypasta Oktoberfest again.

The toothpick needs sharpening.

The trousers of time have broken and left you stranded in Dwemer times.

Rayman is missed.

Ubisoft is dead, it's finally dead!

They fucked up my tomatoes!

He was waxing the wrong carrot.

The Scots would lift their kilts for anyone.

It turns out you're the firestarter.

Neo-Sovietism is trending worldwide.

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