I remembered on a whim that I used to really like the community on this forum, so I made a fresh account. I don't really know why, but maybe someone with an outside perspective can help me.
I will try to make this as short as I can, but in order to explain everything it might have to go on for a while.
Basically, this is the third time I fail to qualify for a course I want to go on.
Briefly, my study score is very low, because I have very low grades from high school, and I mostly studied social subjects, unaware that this would affect me in later study (either because I wasnt well informed by my teachers, or because of my own stupidity, it could easily be both at this point)
The first time, I calculated my score for getting in, and found it to be too low. So after crying and hating life for a while, I applied to some leftover spots and got in to a different but related course (basically a librarian course, only one year instead of 3 so I could potentially take it up after the year was completed)
When the year was nearly over, I figured that being a librarian wasn't for me. It wasn't what I thought it was, sucks but lesson learned. But I found something kind of related, that would allow me to apply to a course where I could work with coding and computers- Without the required maths that all the other computer study programs had. I applied for it, and then my exam arrived, I misread the due-date and couldnt hand it in. Therefore, I didn't fill the requirement for the study I had applied for (or so I thought at least) so I stayed in the City I was studying in for 6 months, workning part time, being very broke, and re-taking the exam, and passing it.
But while I was working part time, I finaly realized what I wanted to do. I was working at a pet shop, you see, and my passion and love for animals, especially small animals like hamsters, mice and other rodents re-awakened in me.
(I realize I sound very flaky here, and it's gonna sound even flakier, becaause I went to art school before all of this, and found out that art is something I cannot have as a job because it makes me hate doing art)
But realizing that the competency and ethics in a lot of pet shops is very low, I finaly knew what I wanted to do, I wanted to study Animal Care, and some economics, and then, sometiem in the future, open my own pet-shop and do it right by the animals.
Of course, it might jsut be a dream, but at least in Animal Care, I could still work with animals even if this plan didn't pan out.
So to save money, since my bank account was practically scraped, and my part time job at the pet-shop wasnt a very stable income, as I was only working when they called me in, and that could sometimes not happen for a very long time, I moved back home.
I love my parents. I really do. But they are all I have to talk to here. I have two friends who live here still, but they are very unreliable for social interaction for reasons I'm not gonna go into, but I mean when I say, I can't rely on them to be there when I need them. Other than that, my other friends, who are really great, have moved away and are doing their own thing far away from me.
But I thought, hey, it's only 6 months. My brother can offer me a much more stable job, I can save money on rent because I'm living at home, and I can rack up some money for next year so that I didn't have to live so tight as I did before.
But then, today, tonight, I realized that I have misunderstood how the system works. I believed that I had enough study points to get into the Animal Care course, but it turns out that I was mistaken. I do not.
I realize these things are different in other countries, but let me try to put it simply.
To get into Animal Care, I need 51 study points.
I have 36
there are 30 spots on the course,In order for me to get in, less than 30 people have to apply, or say yes to their spot. This is extremely unlikely to happen.
Having looked trough all the other courses in the country, there is nothing I want to take besides Animal Care. There are things that interest me, but I don't want to do yet another study just to "see what it's like" and then find out it's not for me, because I've already done that many times, and my student loan is growing.
My only option that I can see right now, is to stay here at home, work, and re-take some subjects.
But there are some major problems with this.
I have no friends here. I have no means to really make any either, this is a really small place, and there are not a lot of avenues for an adult person to just make friends. I have been living here for two months now, and I am already feeling extremely lonely, but I thought I could handle it if I only had to endure 4 more months.
I don't think I can take sitting by myself on my computer all day for an entire year, while I re-take some of these courses. I need real people to talk to. But I don't, and I don't see how that could change in the near future if I stay here. And that's not mentioning how exhausting it is to live with my parents- Not because they are cruel or abusive or anything like that, but because as an adult it's generally a little suffocating to live under your parents roof and have to live by their rules when you want to be your own person.
Re-taking the subjects cost money. Quite a lot, per subject, actually, and I'd need to re-take at least three, if not more, to rack up the points I need. This is not completely impossible for me to do, but as mentioned before I am not a very wealthy person and it's gonna take a toll on my wallet.
So, right now, I am at a loss. I don't know what to do, I feel like my dream is just crushed, and that I can't even get close to it without endangering my mental health. I am prone to depression, and when I'm lonely it's extra hard to keep my head over the water, and I really don't want to go into such a deep hole again.
If anyone has any advice at all to share, I would be very happy to hear it.
Sorry this is so long.