Escape to the Movies: G.I. Joe - The Rise of Cobra

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Only thing that gets me is Movie Bob saying G.I. Joe is better than the last 12 James Bond Movies.

Just to be clear: I didn't say it was better than the last 12 James Bond movies, I said it was a better James Bond movie than the last 12 James Bond movies ;) A bit overly-cute, I realize.

What I'm aiming at is... of course "Casino Royale" is a better movie than this ("Quantum of Solace" isn't, though) but this is a better approximation of what I think of when I think "James Bond movie" - i.e. the otherworldly supervillians looking to conquer the world, hopping all over the globe, the giant city-sized underwater bases bad guys just happen to have, the crazy gadgets, etc. And the "actual" James Bond movies stopped being good at that stuff after "The Spy Who Loved Me."

Thanks for clarifying, that was the point where I (and a lot of people probably) thought you exaggerated a bit too much. Makes sense now, though.

And I was very surprised by your review I was expecting another Transformers 2. I probably will see it at some point.

And how can you judge it before you've seen it?

...You haven't been on the internet long, have you?

interesting, i was expecting this movie to be another god bless America flick but now i might maybe check it out.

That was surprising. With the whole "not screening it to critics first" thing going on.

And did anyone else find the music at the start really good? I mean like the best out of all intro music for any of the video series on this website.

This guy is becoming one of my favourite movie critics.

My faith in humanity has been restored!

Look at everyone going to watch it now.
I watched it today and I can agree. The movie is good. But not that good :P. But good enough to buy and watch.

... ... ...

Bob, did you smoke something really good or pop some pills before heading into that movie? Just got back from the theatre, hoping to find that you were going to slam the movie for being a dissapointing piece of shit, which would have made my 300lb pastey ass jiggle with delight.

Instead, you go on and on about how much you liked it, glossing over its flaws. Granted, I don't agree with all your reviews (i.e. Public Enemies for one, my penis went soft for a AAA Michael Mann film, which I didn't think possible), but still, I thought this one was obvious.

I don't expect a great, deep plot in action movies. That's a given. What I do expect is that the plot they use is coherent. This was really muddled by the pacing of the film, which seemed to have almost on-cue plot exposition moments that were then randomly cut and had action scenes slapped in. I mean, really, why the FUCK did we need all those flashbacks anyway? Those threw me for a loop. It's like taking a dump and then mid-dump pulling up your pants and running a marathon. If I wanted to see some kids going at it, I'd watch the Karate Kid. All they had to say was "SPANK EYES IS MAD AT FAGSHADOW FOR KILLING HIS MASTER". End of story. maybe could have spared a 30 second flashback, but in the end, flashbacks ruined the pacing.

Then the scripted dialogue was horrible, followed by atrocious acting. The character's facial expressions and lines were about as subtle and foreshadowing as a chihuahua dry humping a housecat. Did Dennis Quaid phone this one in, by the way? I usually like that guy. He's like Wal Mart's Harrison Ford, cheaper and off-brand, but gets the same job done.

I grew up on the cartoon, and had a few of the toys. It failed in recapturing my past interests, not to mention they changed the iconic character cobra to look like some goldfish-bowl fag instead of his normal Ku Klux Klan-esque (*Shiney Facemask included) apparel because they didn't want to "offend" anyone.

With that out of the way... the action was mildly enjoyable. It didn't have me on the edge of my seat. It didn't have me cheering about how much ass they kicked. The whole great action-packed experience was lost on me as the constant flaws previously mentioned kept nagging on me, and worse, interrupting at the worst times during the movie when I was ready to forget them.

But let's be honest... the action scenes were good, but nothing too impressive. They were standard fare, really.

Maybe I just don't "get it". Maybe my expectations are too high. It could be because I've had two utter dissapointments, being the teabagging that was Transformers 2 and the snore-a-thon that was Public Enemies, and the good movies this year being Up (If it doesn't win an academy award, there should be sodomization of a judge with a rusty nail laden broomstick), for some reason "The Proposal", which I thought was going to be "just another boring sappy chick flick", but ended up being more enjoyable than the previously mentioned dissapointments, and the Harry Potter movie, which rose from the ashes of the last horrible incarnation. Hopefully Julie & Julia will deliver me from this sour mood tommorrow, but my lust for an action movie that DOES NOT SUCK has not been sated this movie season.

Hmm. That's interesting, I've also heard from others that this movie doesn't actually suck and this comes as confirmation. I have no love for the source material and the whole black leather adaptation looked silly as hell, but I'm surprised it gets so much positive reaction (OK, RT still slams it, but the shitty acting and the lack of a decent plot are probably as good a reason for that as any).

Color me intrigued.

Now THAT surprised me. After they decided that they were not going to let reviewers get an early screening, I had pretty much assumed that this was going to be another Transformers. Whoopee! Now I wont be utterly pissed when My roomie wants to inevitably see it and drags me along!

i know exactly why they diddn't let critics in early its a gi joe movie its nearly impossible for cartoonbased and comic based movies to get a good review so they didn't want a bunch of know italls telling people it sucked because comic movies are beneath them

i saw it and it was great so now you know and knowing is half the battle

I personally doubt I'd enjoy it as much as I enjoyed Casino Royale. But I still would go see it, if it was called Action Man: Rise of Dr. X over here.

I saw it at an advanced screening, because I literally had nothing better to do that day. I even flipped a coin before going in, I was that apprehensive about seeing it.

I came out dragging my jaw along the floor, going "It's like he learned how to direct! It's like the effects team weren't slacking!" I swear, it's a seriously good action movie. It's got everything an action movie should have, and it doesn't disappoint on any front. You don't even need to switch off your brain - the plot is coherent, and while you don't need to make an effort to watch it, there are some generally surprising moments. You'd have to be a truly jaded cynic or elitist snob to not get some joy out of it.

I am actually surprised that MovieBob gave this a good review. GI Joe is apart of the Transformers Universe so their is the potential of a really bad cross over (They never go well). Now I am a fan of explosions (after all I watched Pearl Harbour just for the 40min attack scene and to watch the USS Arizona get folded like a peice of paper when its magazine went up a-la HMS Hood) but... the trailers reak of Spy Kids and Cheezy Transformer clones. Not to mention the clear rip off of clan elemental battle armour.

I am reserving judgement until I see it.... but I think I will choose an alternative to seeing it in theater. I also will not take MovieBob's review as an example of the quality of the movie after watching several of his reviews (which seem to run contrary to my opinion of the films but that of the general movie going public).

Colour me surprised, I was expecting this to be a shit show... Almost as bad as Dragon ball. I'm glad I was wrong, looking forward to seeing this movie now.

You are correct in your assessment as usual.

1 million times better than Transformers 2.

Loved the review gonna go and see the movie as soon as it comes out over here

...You haven't been on the internet long, have you?

I've been on it long enough to know that people love their ignorance. And I've also been on it long enough to want to do something about it.

I already saw this being stupid but that didn't bother me since despite my top films being similar to age old critics and being able to/loving to talk in depth about a film... I still love dumb action and if it doesn't take itself seriously like this review implied then I might go see this soon.

4.35 is the point of the trailer which made me go...Hmm didn't I see that in TF1?

It does look like a good pop corn flick where you can just mong out and cheer on the good guys though...

...I do wonder (read hope) if they will make a M.A.S.K. film though.

*Remembers that from his childhood.* Holy crap.... if they went with the same mindset they did for this movie that would be frakking awesome!

Scary, I wasn't going to see this, but now i'm going to have to give it a shot. MovieBob, if you've somehow lied to me or 'sold out' (god I hate that phrase) then you're in for a world of shit from me in the form of insulting emails and general pain-assery. (and you'll ignore me, and i'll come to the sad realization that i'm wasting me life, so generally it'll be bad for me... please don't lie to me :D )

yes, we get it it is fun because it is true to itself, you told us FIVE times

Bob, you need to get yourself a better microphone, man. You sound like you're talking into a cup.

Snowjob better be in it.

i odnt like u bob...

Ok usually Movie Bob is a good reviewer, but now he just lost all credibility that he had and ever will. I'm sorry if I sound like a stupid troll, but how could of call the WORST movie of 2009 better than the last twelve James Bond films. I don't even like James Bond that much, but I understand how they are good films (Besides casino royal that sucked, the original was so much better). Anyone who goes to see The GI Joe movie because of your review are doomed to sit through a piece of crap movie, and their blood will be on your hands Movie Bob I hope you can live with that.

Hmm.... If I can manage to turn off my brain of its run-time then it should be worth going to watch.

Is runtime short or long?


Is runtime short or long?

Just under 2 hours.


Why are you all so surprised at this movie getting a good rating?

I still won't see this movie. I need a substantial plot for me to watch a movie and this just seems like a bucket load of random explosions.

My hats off to you sir. No really, you have my respect. I hate people that go to action movies looking for a god damn plot and come back disappointed (see Fast and Furious 4) You go to see movies like this SPECIFICALLY FOR the explosions, the fight scenes, the car chases. And the fact that you know this movie is for adrenaline junkies and not plot hounds is more than admirable, it's sensible.

This is why I'm not surprised that this movie got a good rating. Critics (good ones) know that when they go to see a movie they SHOULD be in the mindset of the audience the movie is targeting. As Bob said here, 7 year olds, and 20+ year olds who still remember what it was like to be 7 years old IS the target audience. Thats what G.I. Joe was aiming for, and it's NOT like finding a needle in a haystack.

The only way they could've made it better is if they made sure they gave everyone a sugar high before going in to the movie.

It's as if someone like me went to see a movie like oh I don't know, say "the notebook", and I was expecting car chases and explosions and fight scenes and everything that makes life worth living. CLEARLY I would be disappointed and the movie would receive a bad review from me, because I wasn't in the right mindset.

this guy needs to get a better taste in films ... no way! is this crappy remake of a toy commercial better than james bond!


And how can you judge it before you've seen it?

i'm judging this movie before i've seen it because it's going to be like all the rest taking all the fun and excitement of the comic from when we was kids and just exchanging it for crappy lines and lots of explosions ... they should stop making movies like these!!

You do realize that G.I.Joe WAS NOT directed by Micheal Bay right? It was directed by Stephan Sommers, the guy who directed The Mummy.

I will admit that there is a difference between "good" and "enjoyable". IMO, G.I.Joe was a VERY enjoyable movie. Also, I have to say you CAN NOT judge a movie if you've never seen it. That's like me saying The Godfather movies are the best even though I have never seen them yet.

for people who want c this due to this guys review DONT this review is terriblei saw the movie within 5 minutes of stepping into the cinema i knew it was going to be bad cos it was only me and my friend in there
three words


I agree with moviebob completely. The essence of his review as I see it that this is a GI Joe movie. Not some standalone movie someone could go see and enjoy for the story or acting for that matter. If you go see it for what it is, a wonderfully over-the-top action movie and nothing more, it is truely delicious.

For fans of the original series, a wonderful, cgi-encrusted gem.

you need to improve your audio recording technique. Maybe try a place with less reflective walls. Maybe a better mic.

I just saw the trailer, great stupidity that I would love to watch, but hell they go and destroy the Eiffel Tower.

Mess with the Eiffel Tower?, screw you hollywood.

Ok usually Movie Bob is a good reviewer, but now he just lost all credibility that he had and ever will. I'm sorry if I sound like a stupid troll, but how could of call the WORST movie of 2009 better than the last twelve James Bond films. I don't even like James Bond that much, but I understand how they are good films (Besides casino royal that sucked, the original was so much better). Anyone who goes to see The GI Joe movie because of your review are doomed to sit through a piece of crap movie, and their blood will be on your hands Movie Bob I hope you can live with that.

Didn't actually listen to the review, huh?

I'm genuinely surprised by MovieBob's opinions here, 'cos it looks VERY similar to the silliness of Transformers 2. I still think they should have gone with Action Force (International Heroes) rather than G.I. Joe (Real American Hero) because of the whole "global appeal" and "better music", but I'm still psyched to go and see this!

Also, I'm gonna see if I can dig out my old video where the team have to stop C.O.B.R.A. from setting up magical crystals at the "four corners of the Earth" that will stop all technology from working while taking over the Action Force's communication sattelite with shapeshifting space minotaurs. That should get me in the right mindset for it! :D

I'm not sure of GI Joe.

I watched it yesterday and I'm still humming and harring over my opinion.

I didn't like the fast pacing, with in 10 minutes we're getting this masive epic fight, basically the entire plot, and all character introductions. It meant everything was rushed, unfocused and quite nonsencical, the opening fight scene seemed to be this sudden series of explosions.

I didn't like character development and introduction, chaacters just pop up without any real impact. We see the two main characters and suddenly they're thrust into action and I'm supposed to care. Than suddenly I'm being shown characters have history, why should I care, I've only seen them for a few minutes in the same capacity an extra could fill?

All the actors were phoning it in, Christopher Eccelston's accent was the same sort of accent anyone can put on with little effort. Dennis Quaid displayed two emotions throughout "constipated" and "moderatly happy but still constapated".

The CGI was horrible, and this thing has a bigger budget than Transformers. But maybe that went to the actors who in return phoned it in.

And the masks were simply horrid and ugly and comical in a movie that seems to be trying hard to be serious and cool. I wouldn't say it was schitzophrenic but there are a lot of stuff being blended together.

However I liked the ninja's. Ninja's with guns! The banter and humour was O.K albeit rushed and the action was very good when it wasn't too CGI'd. Zartan was decent albeit underused. And this stuff was a major part of the film so it wasn't too bad.

I want to hate it but I just can't.

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