I’m sure somewhere this seemed like a good idea. Just not here.
I of course, refer to the new Cockroach Cluster candy (available in fine outlets, but please don’t blame them) now available. I mean, how can you pass up the newest Honeydukes offering? The Harry Potter experience is authenticated further by these sweet treats, which probably aren’t half as delightful as those in JK Rowling’s imagination.
Do you dare? Enjoy a sweet “buggy” treat straight from Honeyduke’s. You get two giant Cockroach Clusters per package. The candies have a soft jelly underbelly covered with a thin crunchy shell, and come complete with antennae.
I dared. After all, I’ve been through Jelly Slugs (meh), Ice Mice (good), Droobles Blowing Gum (went through the bag too fast), Acid Pops (aw yeah), Fizzing Whizbees (Poprockish enough), and Bertie Botts Everyflavor Beans (when they say every flavor, they mean every flavor) – so it is safe to say if there’s a candy slapped down with official licensing on top, I am willing to give it a fair shake.
As you can tell by the picture, there are two to a package, which makes it a good value for the money. There’s one for you, and your favorite personal arch-enemy to share, delighting in the festiveness of the season. So with the Cluster looking rather tempting (for a bug), I embarked upon the official testing regime:
Outer Texture. Candy shell was very crunchy. After one loud crunch, I found myself wondering if I was going to need that dental plan after all but thankfully not.
Look and feel: Not bad. But since looking isn’t eating, there’s work to finish.
Taste: Awful.
Inner Texture: Gummy as illustrated.
Taste: Bland and disgusting.
Perhaps my hopes had been too high here; I almost wished I had eaten a bug instead. Quickly, I wrapped up the bugs in foil, thinking that I would finish them later. Shamefully, that was a while ago. I simply haven’t had the urge to torture myself. In fact, I’m well and turned off from gummy candy for a while now.
In the event you have purchased these for yourself, or a young one in your life for the holiday season, do everyone a favor and remove them from the ‘Christmas Stocking pile’ of loot. Immediately.
