Snoop Dogg Offers Waffle-centric RAGE Survival Guide

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Rapper, actor, canine shapeshifter, and now gaming journalist; is there anything that Snoop Dogg can’t do?

In celebration of the recent release of id Software’s open-world, dystopian shooter RAGE, publisher Bethesda Softworks tapped rapper-cum-marijuana advocate Calvin “Snoop Dogg” Broadus to promote the game via a filmed series of “survival guides” for the title.

The first guide, embedded at top-right, sees our host laying out the essential gear one might want to take with them into RAGE’s post-apocalyptic hellscape. Can you take a guess as to what The Doggfather considers his “bare necessities?” Guns, maybe? Dr. Dre’s The Chronic?

Nope. Turns out you need a waffle maker. That’s not a euphemism either. Snoop just straight up loves him some waffles, and regardless of how many mutants are howling for his blood, he can always find time to cook up some delicious breakfast staples.

“Anything you find, you put it in there, squeeze it together, and you make it look like a waffle. Y’know what I’m talkin’ ’bout?” Oh Snoop, I think we all know what you’re talkin’ ’bout.

Furthering the culinary theme, Snoop also promotes chicken feed as a necessary staple. He claims that in the world of RAGE, he has found the time to start a chicken ranch, all in the name of building a delicious, sustainable chicken and waffles empire.

Of course, it wouldn’t be Snoop without overt references to the man’s affection for his … “crops.” This being a family-friendly production, we can’t just blatantly say that Snoop loves smoking weed, but for realsies, Snoop loves smoking weed.

As the video points out though, this is all in the name of surviving the horrors of id’s wasteland. These “crops” are “for your mind,” Snoop claims with his trademark style. His trademark “doggystyle,” if you will.

If you thought Episode 1 was a bit lacking in the “high-caliber weaponry” department, have a look at Episode 2:

In place of chicken and chronic smoke, this latest clip focuses on the best ways to protect yourself from the wretches of RAGE. As you might guess, the best ways to protect yourself all involve the numbers 1, 8 and 7.

Unlike the first episode, this clip is closer to what one might expect from a RAGE promotional clip, and is thus less entertaining for the part of me that adored the first, baffling episode. That said, I love Snoop’s description of the assault rifle:

Right here is the assault rifle. It can make a bitch real deluctable.

What does “deluctable” mean? How does the assault rifle accomplish this? Are we using “bitch” as a pejorative for female characters, or as a general purpose catch-all for anyone carrying an assault rifle who also happens to take on certain “deluctable” characteristics?

Y’know what? I don’t care anymore. Even with the generally blasé critical response RAGE has received, I suddenly want to play this game just so I can describe myself as “deluctable” every time I nab that Kalashnikov analogue.

Bethesda, great job. This is my favorite promotional clip in years.

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