Stolen Pixels

Stolen Pixels #2: Capturing the Something




Unreal Tournament 3 goes to great lengths to pretend that capture the flag matches are something besides capture the flag. You’re still running flags, still fighting in perfectly symmetrical arenas, still scoring points and hearing the events hyped by the in-game announcer who tells you to “play” when the battle begins. Everything about it is the same, except now the characters pretend the whole thing is part of some desperate war, one presumably with exceedingly sportsmanlike combatants.

The result is about as genuine as a suburban white kid calling his friends “homie” and throwing gang signs to the other kids in marching band. Note to Epic: I know you’re trying to be cool in front of the young people on the PS3, but you aren’t fooling anyone.

Shamus Young is a programmer and writer by trade, videogame nitpicker by inclination. If you have the patience for more of his ramblings, they can be found at

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