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The Girl in the Spider's Web

The Girl in the Spider’s Web

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So here we have an attempt (unsuccessful, if the box office is to be any indication) by the rights holders of Steig Larssonā€™s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo franchise to get in the reboot scene. The Girl in the Spiderā€™s Web moves the iconic heroine Lisbeth Salander and her supporting players past the late authorā€™s original established stories into a new status quo that spreads a (very) thin veneer of the pitch black socially conscious sleaziness that informed the foundational texts over an otherwise generic grab bag of spy, superhero and action girl tropes. While thatā€™s disappointing in the context of the original three Swedish adaptations and the underappreciated American remake from David Fincher, Iā€™m a bit torn as to whether itā€™s actually a ā€œbetrayalā€ of the material (as many have suggested) or simply a more honest approach.

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Maybe itā€™s both? Without intending any disparagement to the late author, part of what made the original cycle and Lisbeth as a character so bizarrely compelling from my end was a distinct sense that the signature pairing of dark, nasty, sexually charged, sadistically violent subject matter and woker-than-thou sociopolitical message mongering was emerging at least in part via working backwards from guilt and overcompensation.

After all, as a vigilante/bisexual/master hacker/goth/biker chick Lisbeth has been from inception pretty much one pair of anime eyes away from an early-2000s nerdcore fetish girl ā€œtotal packageā€ ā€” and thatā€™s without even touching the part where her bitter and wholly-justified antipathy toward the male sex is thawed by the presence of (wouldnā€™t you just know it?) a jaded crusading journalist sort of reminiscent of Larsson himself. Not that Larsson wouldā€™ve been the first or even most notorious example of an author realizing ā€œHmm! Iā€¦ might have written a fantasy girlfriend into my sexually charged novel in a somewhat discomfiting mannerā€ nor the first to appear to back into acknowledging it by framing her as a brutal instrument of revenge against more explicitly wicked incarnations of capital-P Patriarchy.

Thusly, itā€™s maybe not that much of a stretch ā€” or necessarily a ā€œheresyā€ ā€” to retrofit this particular protagonist as a sort of female Jason Bourne as imagined by a horny nerd circa 2005 or so. She fits into the formula fairly well, all things considered, and Claire Foy is extremely well cast in the part. Unfortunately, while ā€œiconic main character, good to pretty good moviesā€ has more or less been the story of the franchise; The Girl in the Spiderā€™s Web is the first to ask: ā€œIf we get Lisbeth right, do we even need a rest of the movie?ā€ It turns out you do.

Picking up in a place that could be taken as either a pseudo-sequel to the Swedish trilogy or the Fincher movie or neither, the story finds Lisbeth bopping around Stockholm covertly brutalizing rapists and wife beaters like a single-issue Batman. Her sometime sidepiece Mikael Blomkvist is grappling with his own problems: the takeover of his beloved Serious Journalistic Publication by Damn Dirty Millennials. In the plot proper, a computer programmer who designed a crazy powerful ā€œtake control of every missile on the planet at onceā€ protocol for the U.S. military wants Lisbeth to hack the CIA and steal it back because he thinks the Americans canā€™t be trusted with it anymore. (Gee, wonder what changed in the last two to three years?)

Lisbethā€™s successful hacking but less successful ā€œnot getting caught hackingā€ draws the attention of not only a Special Agent (Lakeith Stanfield) but also a well-armed and funded mercenary group cryptically known as ā€œThe Spidersā€ whose leader ā€” in a plot turn thatā€™s framed as something like a twist but has been spoiled in every scrap of advertising imaginable at this point ā€” is revealed to be Lisbethā€™s evil twin sister Camilla. Lisbethā€™s twisted sister is a blonde (yes, a literal palette-swap nemesis!) ice queen daddyā€™s girl whoā€™s rebuilt The Spiderā€™s from the remnants of their Russian crime boss fatherā€™s henchman portfolio and is making her move into the Global Supervillain racket with the missile program. To use it, they need a password locked away in the head of its programmerā€™s autistic math genius preteen son, who Lisbeth must now protect from her sisterā€™s army of killers and ā€¦ to be frank, this is even more boring to type than it is to watch.

One really shouldnā€™t be able to make a premise that starts with ā€œBlack Metal Ellen Page versus Ivanka as imagined by Frank-Miller for The Button The Blows Up The Worldā€ dull, but thatā€™s exactly what The Girl in the Spiderā€™s Web manages to do. Thatā€™s even more bizarre considering the film comes courtesy of Uruguayan horror specialist Fede Alvarez, director of Ā Donā€™t Breathe and the Evil Dead remake. As a director heā€™s typically been known as super stylish and willing to go over the top, but here he mostly hands in a by-the-numbers espionage thriller with a mere dusting of both the kinky sleaze factor and the on-the-nose social consciousness that previously distinguished the franchise.

Itā€™s not just a matter of The Girl in the Spiderā€™s Web being an inferior sequel, either. As a standalone object, thereā€™s just nothing going to distinguish it save for a handful of novel action beats and Foy doing a solid interpretation of a theoretically interesting character ā€” theoretical in the sense that after a real banger of an introduction scene Lisbeth doesnā€™t really get to do much that distinguishes her from any other interchangeable hero in a movie like this. Thereā€™s a pretty good car chase and a cool bit with a high-caliber sniper rifle at the end ā€” but thatā€™s kind of it. The rest is just boilerplate and for all the buildup ā€œReverse-Lisbethā€ is a real cipher as a villain.

Itā€™s in no way surprising that a studio would want to find a way to keep this series going and see if it can be stretched out to accommodate slotting Lisbeth into a broader variety of adventures, but they absolutely lost the thread here. Thereā€™s just nothing going on and no reason for the audience to care no matter how interesting they might think the lead is.


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Author
Image of Bob Chipman
Bob Chipman
Bob Chipman is a critic and author.