Critical Miss

The Witcher: Sixteen Hours of Love




A lot of sites have been eronously reporting that The Witcher 3 will feature sixteen hours of virtual rumpy pumpy. Sadly, this is not true. What the sites should have been reporting is it took sixteen hours to setup and record all of the mocap data for the game’s various sex scenes. It seems like pork sword stabbings will make up only a small percentage of the game’s overall stabbing content. Oddly, CD Projekt Red felt the need to explain the game’s use of sex in a rather weird fashion. I’m not against sex in games – in fact I really wish more games would touch on the subject – but I’ve always found that a couple of minutes of good dialogue trumps a couple of minutes of fuckin’ when it comes to character relationships.

Can’t get enough of our sour, miserable attitude? Cory and I took part in a podcast with Gavin “Miracleofsound” Dunne and Gabe the Concubine. Check it out below.

Content warning: Salty language. Horrific manga. People who don’t like Silent Hill 2. Praise for Resident Evil 6. GILF.

You can follow Grey and Cory on Twitter or you can watch them play videogames poorly on YouTube. Or both. All three. Whatever.

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