Two Million People Killed by Dildo in Saints Row 3

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THQ releases a few tasty stats for its open-world crime simulator.

I’ve taken a bit of a break from rampaging in the Steelport, but in my time with Saints Row 3, I certainly committed a fair share of atrocities. I killed a few cops with molotov cocktails and blown up my fair share of tanks and whores – sometimes at the same time. All those terrible stats have been collated by the number machines at THQ and displayed for our enjoyment. If you signup for an account, you can now check your personal cop-killing stats on their website, but for now you can revel in the murdering of your peers.

Here’s just a snippet of the data THQ collected:

  • More than 2 million people have been bludgeoned to death by the Penetrator so far.
  • 5.8 billion citizens of Steelport have met their demise while roaming around town. That’s 19 times the population of the US, or 85% of the population of the world.
  • Players have spent a cumulative 2 years in their birthday suits streaking the streets of Steelport and making old ladies scream.
  • In Whored Mode, 44 million pimps, gimps, and prostitutes have been dispatched.
  • 650 hot dog mascots have been overcooked to death by players using flamethrowers.

There’s no word whether these stats made a distinction between the fleshy, veiny purple dildo and the Japanese smooth flesh-saber. All’s fair in love and war.

Honestly people, that last statistic seems a bit low. Come on people, break out the flamethrowers and start cooking some dudes in hot dog costumes. I’m disappointed in you.

Source: Saints Row website

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