Yahtzee Croshaw
Yahztee Croshaw is a British comedic writer, video game journalist, humorist, author, and video game developer.

    Pine for Nintendo Switch Delayed by ‘a Few Weeks’

    Previous article

    The Falconeer Dev Is Promising Dangerous World War I-Style Dogfighting, but with Giant Birds

    Next article

    85 Comments

    1. Called it, I knew exactly what Yahtzee would complain about in Fire Emblem: The Three Visual Novel’s Worth of Text That You Have to Slog Through to Get to the Actual Turn-Based Strategy Gameplay

      1. well, at least he tried.

        1. Nicolas, I’m actually surprised he made it that far.

      2. He didn’t complain about it for the reason a lot of people were expecting, he just sounded bored and complaint of a too slow start is fairly valid.
        Dude is on a schedule, if it’s not good enough to grab or bad enough to gripe he’s not likely to waste more time on it then he’d already had.

      3. It’s a very…”bingey” FE that you can recognize the work put into when you invest, so I understand the appeal. It does combine old FE and new, I mean waifu FE by making things less obvious on the socializing-with-your-army element.

      4. I dread going through the church every time because all I just want to do is do more battles.
        But I need to do all of the chores before I get to go outside.

      5. I don’t know what people were expecting. Yahtzee likes storytelling in games, but likes it when it’s punchy and concise; whatever FE:TTH’s strengths are, it’s not that.

    2. 00:09 Pfft my life has been speeding downhill long before I decided to not buy your merch.

    3. Gate: Thus the JSDF Go Forth. That’s a rather obscure choice for an anime short hand.

    4. People seem to forget that Neir is not a Platinum game. Platinum worked on one aspect of the game.
      Also very proud of Yahtzee to not fall into a 5 minute rant about Nintendo and/or its fans during a Nintendo exclusive video.

      1. Er, no, the majority of development of Automata was done by Platinum, the main differentiating factor is that it was directed by Yoko Taro

    5. Aw, I wanted him to review Borderlands 3.

      And by “review” I mean “abuse for 5 minutes”.

      1. he’d just be rehashing the same review for the third time

        1. Brilliant. He could just re-relase his BL2 review, but badly edit the vocals and video so every mention of “Borderlands 2” becomes “Borderlands 3”.

      2. I’ll never understand why that game is so popular. It’s just a more wacky version of Fallout without the bullet-time thingie system.

        1. The loot system is pretty great, getting legendaries and making over powered builds based on your weapons and skill tree is pretty much the Meta.

      3. Borderlands 3 is such a weird game, if you were one of those crazy people who played Borderlands 2 for 7 years straight, the Meta game in Borderlands 3 is completely different then BL2 and a huge improvement.. If you just causally play borderlands 3 its the same game as borderlands 2 but Borderlands 2 had a better story.

    6. Nice to learn Fire Emblem: 3H won’t be Yahtzee’s Persona 5 for 2019.

      Amusing that he keeps comparing this game to NieR:Automata, since the director of this game worked on the combat for NieR:A.

      1. Why is that good? Weirdo.

        1. It’s good to get any reception from Yathzee about the game, instead of simply ignoring it. He tried, he couldn’t get into it, he moved on.

          1. Yeah, but he LIKED P5.

    7. Well, there’s your disappointing Three Houses reference.

      Apparently the whole 200 hours worth of content is ruined by optional dialogue.

      1. If I wasn’t feeling a game “200 hours of content” wouldn’t be a selling point, it’d be another reason to put it down and never come back. And I’m not obligated to review games for a living like Yathzee is.

        1. To be clear, I’m not asking him to. I’m just saying that critizing a game on one little thing while you don’t have the time (by your own admission) to develop an opinion of it is stupid.

          1. Your argument reminds me of the old, “Well it gets really good 75 hours in” shtick. Yeah that’s not a point in the game’s favor if you have to slog through a ton of not fun stuff to FINALLY get to the good stuff. Should’ve been good from start to finish.

            And – obviously – you aren’t the authority on the minimum amount of time someone needs to develop an opinion of a game. Games are about having fun. Yahtz tried the game, he didn’t have fun. What more do you want?

            1. Literally none of what you said applies to me.

              I didn’t say it gets good after 200 hours.
              I didn’t say you have to slog through anything (I said the opposite, that it’s optional. It’s literally dialogue you don’t have to go through).
              I also didn’t make any demands of Yahtzee.

              So my only reply to you is: Sppllrrrrttttt

            2. It’s not 75 hour’s if it is only the second monastery exploration phase it is probably not even three hours into the game. He has given much worse games a much longer chance to be good. For example, the last review was a game from a series he considered mediocre and seemed to have very little reason to think this one would be different throughout his entire play-through.

    8. I’m not sure I like this gritty reboot of Detective Pikachu.

    9. Unless it’s by, or at least a sequel to, Hideki Kamiya PlatinumGames titles are usually pretty uninspired.

    10. Neir is a yoko taro game and nothing else.

      Also, platinum started falling apart right around when it made that korra game that was so bad you can’t even buy it anymore. Then that transformers game that was really meh. Then that ninja turtles game which was even more meh.

      1. And Starfox Zero by a completely new 3rd team of Platinum, Nintendo basically paid for their training. And failing to deliver a game to Xbox for so many years.

    11. Yahtzee you should try untitled goose game by house house, i think you’d get a kick out of it it is a shorter game though.

    12. He wasn’t wrong about that bit in Fire Emblem: Three Houses. Despite the fast travel option, the game making you feel obligated to run around the school so much early on definitely makes it feel like it drags and I was honestly getting restless with it. Thankfully it eases up as you go.

    13. I am legit curious of his opinion of The Surge 2 given his opinion of the first one. Also he seemed to like Blasphemous.

      1. He plays it with Kes on the Saturday Twitch stream.

      2. I am as well. Yahtzee shit-talked The Surge pretty hard back in the day, so it would be interesting to see what he thinks of this one. Probably “technical issues,” but hopefully more than just that.

        1. For what I hear, especially a week or so after launch, is that it’s really just some technical issues and they really made it a lot better than the original.

    14. I guess this is as close to a Wonderful 101 review as we’ll get and although I’m not happy about that I’ll take it

    15. Oh, won’t THIS video be a crowd-pleaser at the next FanimeCon.

      And vegetables? I always thought it was meat. “‘Ow kin ye ‘ave any pudding if ye don’t eat yer meat?!”

      That “Mummy I’ve been naughty” line came up enough for me to ask if Yahtzee’s subconsciously telling us something.

    16. You DO pick up interdimensional turds with plastic gloves. What do you think Red Matter is?

    17. If you REALLY want to punish yourself, Code Vein is a Soulslike AND and anime game…

    18. Maybe now people can shut up about that fucking FE game in the comments

    19. When will the written book be released?

    20. yahtzee actually played fire emblem and was too bored to review it
      get an F in the chat for all the commenters asking him to review it for x months

      1. Don’t you mean f months?

    21. To think this could’ve been avoided if they just kept the astral monsters in tiny balls instead of on chains.

      1. The “fit in your pokets” type or the “do you want to know where I hide them type”?

        1. How about the kind that jumps put of a children’s card game? The monster wrangling wrist device does remind me of a 1st gen duel disk a little.

          1. “But that’s the option without bikini’s.

            No wait, without bikini’s is fine.”
            (jk)

        2. It was a Pokemon reference, so the first one.

          1. The second is also a pokemon reference, but one I feel Yahtzee would be more inclined to use

            1. 0_o Ah I see. Well still, the first one.

          2. “But that’s the option without bikini’s.

            No wait, without bikini’s is fine.”

            (jk)

    22. My father was killed in a 2219…

      1. I’ll be so sorry for your loss.

    23. C’mon, Yahtzee, if the women in Sucker Punch wearn’t scantilly clad then the point of the film’s second act would be lost: “you’re a perv and you won’t stop looking because you don’t want to, perv!” It can’t exactly do that with the women dressed in duffle coats, now, can it (I say, smuggly, without earning it, lol)

    24. Where is it that all these people harass Yahtzee about reviewing certain games? Is it here? Because I’ve long been curious to hear Yahtzee’s thoughts on the Rusty Lake games. All of them–you can get through them in a few days, easily.

      Guess I just keep mentioning this every so often until it happens? Maybe in the next games drought?

      1. The few people that knew and bothered to keep his e-mail address at the start of his rise and his coworkers. At least his coworkers were responsible for Doki Doki Literature Club

    25. Well they do have a minigame for cleaning your pet chimera that weirdly reminds me of Custom Robo Arena. Also, got a problem? Throw a legion at it.

    26. Alright! I’ll admit the monastery bits can be a slog, but you can skip it if you want, it’s only really necessary for min-maxing, and it helps set up the nice intrigue and story of Fire Emblem Three Houses that really grabbed me. Skip the monastery if you can, just get stuck in to the X-Com style combat and adept story. PLEASE! It’s been so long since a game reminded me why I love games like this one did.

      1. I agree. And it was only after all those monastery bits that I realized it was all really just to give you some time to recruit away students from the other houses. If you’re playing on normal settings with permadeath, it would behoove the player to not skip it.

      2. He doesn’t give a shit about Three Houses, you can stop.

      3. Sounds like he’s not into it and with the flood of new games, it’s unlikely he’s gonna come back to it at this point.

      4. Just give up dude.

      5. Eh, I like it, never expected Yahtzee to, but I thought it was something he could make a fun review out of. He decided he won’t Shame, but so be it.

    27. This game sounds a lot like Chaos Legion, one of the worst Devil May Cry like games that I ever fell in love with.

    28. Astral Chain…

      A C

      Anime Cops!

      But seriously, it’s a good game, it just doesn’t doesn’t blow anything out of the water and if you know your anime tropes enough can predict the plot from start to finish. Decent replay value at least if it weren’t for the fact that I have 2 other Switch games to finish.

      What I’m surprised with is that this game was apparently PG’s most expensive to develop.

    29. Apparently Platinum has been hit by the Open World stick.
      So now their straight to the point games have now become more do bullsh*t then have fun games.

      I’m going to dread if Bayonetta 3 becomes open world.

    30. Yahtz is correct. Astral Chain is an absolute step backwards for the genre. I honestly have to motivate myself to play the library copies of it and FE 3 Houses, as i know that the devs can do better. I played those games for nearly 2 decades after all! Those reviewers clearly played different games than me and Yahztee. A 7/10 to both of them. And now on to his new audiobook.

      1. FE3H is the best FE game in the series.

    31. Fun fact: Chalk outlines are not used when the victim has died. They’re used when the victim requires urgent medical attention as a way to preserve the crime scene.

      If the victim is dead, you’re not on a time limit. They’re not getting deader and they’re not going anywhere. But if they’re alive, you need to quickly outline where they were and send them to hospital while you carry on doing the scene investigation.

    32. Dude what the fuck? Do Blasphemous already.

    33. quality sucks will have to wait for youtube vid

    34. My favorite part of this review is the praise for Wonderful 101. That game does not get enough love, mainly because it was on the Wii U, but still

    35. Okay, hold up. Sucker Punch was fucking awesome. Comparing it to Borderlands is almost sacrilegious. And to address the “fetishistic” argument, I think it’s a double standard. When beefcake action movies were popular (think Stallone and Schwarzenegger), nobody called them “fetishistic”. (For a more recent example, just look at how girls lust after Thor.) Plenty of action movies have hyper-idealized male heroes. Sucker Punch is simply an action movie with hyper-idealized female heroes. What’s wrong with that? The idea that female characters can’t be strong and sexy at the same time is Sarkeesian-level bullshit. I’m so tired of this notion that women have to be desexified in order to be badass.

      1. “I’m so tired of this notion that women have to be desexified in order to be badass.”

        Good thing he didn’t actually say that then, innit?

        You seem to have missed the entire point of the sequence, particularly where he actually criticized Borderlands for using one specific type of character to make up 95% of the cast. His problem isn’t sexy women being badass, it’s the telling lack of variety in said women – and he’s criticized games like Gears of War et. al. for basically having ten of the same growly oversized spess mareen cosplaying as walking ovens, so…

        1. I never said he did.

          Also, it seems to me that you’re the one who missed the point of what I was saying, which was responding directly to Yahtzee’s allusion to Sucker Punch.

          Also also, this isn’t about Yahtzee. Yahtzee complains about everything, because that’s his style of comedy. Even if the cast is incredibly diverse, Yahtzee will complain that it looks like a Benetton ad.

          1. Duly noted, but the criticism I’ve outlined and attributed to him is a fairly common one in itself, and probably responsible for the just-as-common misperception that people seemingly hate badass women. It’s hard to enjoy any character archetype when several of them seem to be lifted directly from the same template in a way that renders most of them nigh-interchangable.

            1. I am just a bystander here, but you both started your respective arguments with “You miss the point”, which is not striking me as a great conversation icebreaker and argument over anything. Obviously, you think another person misses the point, your job is to explain that point from a new, interesting perspective, hence the argument.

            2. Cool beans.

    36. So you think people are gonna learn their lesson about desperately begging Yahtzee to review a game for the sake of a reaction they probably aren’t going to get THIS time, or…?

    37. Wow, way to start off the day (October 3rd)

    38. Happy now, dude that was banging on about Fire Emblem for weeks?

    39. I enjoyed this game but I do agree that the police work was a bit tedious, especially when you go back into mission to find find something you missed. “no game I don’t want to rescue the civilians again I just want to find the toilet so I can get the toilet paper for the toilet fairy.”

    40. Japan always likes these themes. Even the “enslave monsters to fight other monsters” stuff is straight up from Evangelion.
      Boy the Githyanki must be pissed though, with all this popping in and out of the astral plane. 😀

    Leave a reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *