Columbia hopes the new Total Recall trailer will get asses into theater seats.

The way I see it, the new Total Recall film is just a few steps from greatness. All it needs now is Michael Ironside, Ronny Cox, Arnold Schwarzenegger, a mutant hooker with three boobs and some good old fashioned special effects, and it will be nothing short of super-awesome!

What’s that? There’s none of that stuff is in this movie? It’s all CGI? No Sharon Stone? No Benny? No Richter? In what bizarre universe is a Total Recall movie without Richter even remotely conceivable? Not that I’m one to rush to judgment, of course, and I’m certainly not going to call it a CGI-laden crapfest just because it’s laden with generic-looking CGI and… well, best not to go too far down that road.

In all seriousness, I have no idea if this film will be any good or not and so much has changed – they don’t even go to Mars! – that comparisons are almost irrelevant. They’re also inevitable, but as much fun as it is to go off half-cocked on the internet, we should wait until we have more than this to go on before we really start flinging them around. Total Recall – the new one, not the good one – is slated to hit screens in August of this year. See you at the party, Richter!

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