The Nintendo Switch 2 had the worst console launch ever but I still bought it

There was a ton of hype leading up to the Nintendo Switch 2. The amount of rumors and leaks can’t even be counted; it was endless, whether it be about the Switch 2’s performance (it’ll be more powerful than the PlayStation 5!), the cost, the accessories, and the games. Then, the Nintendo Direct came and it was lame. Then, the Switch 2 was launched and it was lame.

And everyone complained it was lame. But they still bought it.

The Nintendo Switch 2 apparently sold over 6 million units in under two months. In that sense, it’s not the worst console launch. Actually, in that sense, it’s the best console launch. But I’m not talking about all the fanboys that rushed out to pre-order it. I’m talking about the actual hype of the launch.

“I Am You, But Stronger”

The Nintendo Switch 2 is not groundbreaking like previous Nintendo consoles. It doesn’t have a special gimmick that has set it apart. In fact, it’s just the Nintendo Switch except better: it has better graphics, a larger screen, larger controllers with some mouse capabilities, and voice chat. So yeah, it’s the Nintendo Switch with improvements but nothing really unique.

During the Nintendo Direct, we learned about all the weird ways your friends can bother you while trying to play games at home alone. There’s video chat, voice chat, and weird bubbles that show your friend’s face above their characters. I mean, that’s cool, but I don’t care really. In fact, these social capabilities later led to a horrific new app where you can see your friends’ faces floating over a fire in a dark, isolated campground. What?

Honestly, the Direct about the upcoming console launch was boring. The leaks were more exciting than the reality.

Nintendo Switch 2 Has No Games

Speaking of wack crap like Chillin’ By the Fire, the Nintendo Switch 2 has nothing to play. That’s very alarming for a $500 console. A console is supposed to have games! Nintendo fanboys will tell you this is fine as they snuggle their Shuntaro Furukawa body pillow, but what about the rest of us who buy consoles to actually play games!?

Even before the Nintendo Switch 2 was launched, there were almost no confirmed games. By January, there were only eight confirmed games – and most of them were stupid. The only big title anyone was aware of was Pokémon Legends: Z-A. And you don’t want to get me started on that how lazy, repetitive, and underdeveloped Pokémon games are; because just like Nintendo, Pokémon has fans who would take a bullet to the skull over admitting the games are taking advantage of them.

When the Nintendo Switch 2 was officially announced, we learned that there were still no new games planned. It would launch with Mario Kart World and that’s basically it. Everything else was just remakes and revisions of Nintendo Switch games that were improved and then had price increases.

Oh wait, I forgot, there was one other game: A TUTORIAL ABOUT THE CONSOLE FOR $10! If you bought this, you deserve to be publicly beaten up in the town square by a gang of Miis.

Then, a few months after launch, we got Donkey Kong Bananza. Everyone loved it, so Nintendo basically avoided further criticism about their console launch being a disaster. But at that point, people had basically purchased a Donkey Kong console because that was it.

A little after that, Nintendo announced a 45-minute Direct all about Kirby Air Rider, a sequel to a 20-plus year old game that is for mindless babies (and me). That doesn’t even come out until November – so if you were convinced that the Nintendo Switch 2 finally has something worthwhile, you still have a long time to go.

Meanwhile, no mainline Mario or Legend of Zelda games have been announced. The original Switch launched with The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, just for reference. Instead, we have a Donkey Kong game and a game where you play as Kirby aimlessly riding through a city. And Nintendo Switch 2 Editions of existing games, of course.

But Nintendo Has Our Money Anyway

The Nintendo Switch 2 launch has been horrendous but nobody will admit it. I’m assuming they don’t want to feel bad about spending $500-plus on a console that’s currently semi-worthless. Or they are an insufferable fanboy who thinks it’s okay to milk money from your fanbase just because there might be something worthwhile later.

But I’ll admit it.

The Nintendo Switch 2 has been an experiment in greed. From the $10 tutorial to the $70+ costs of the games to the increased costs of accessories, Nintendo clearly knows people will pay their last dollar for basically a bunch of nothing.

Do I have faith that the Nintendo Switch 2 will improve? Yes, especially when I can quit my jobs and play Kirby Air Riders all day and night. But do I also think the launch itself was horrific? Yes. Yes, it was. And I’m sick of waiting for something worthwhile.

There is apparently a Nintendo Direct coming September, right in time for Mario’s birthday, and fans believe it could finally be the stuff we want to hear. A Mario game! Metroid Prime: Beyond! Games to actually play!

Let’s hope, because I just bought a Nintendo Switch 2.