Devolver Digital has given up on plans to launch its own digital distribution service and will instead just release Serious Sam 3: BFE on Steam, where people might actually want to buy it.
The upcoming shooter Serious Sam 3: BFE was originally intended to debut on Devolver Digital’s new, proprietary distribution platform, codenamed “Krundle.” Following further study, however, Devolver CFO and massage parlor enthusiast Fork Parker decided to pull the plug on the whole thing.
“I think we could have revolutionized how I make a shitload of money,” Parker said in a statement. “But the reality is, Steam is an amazing digital platform. That’s where we want to distribute our top-tier titles like Serious Sam 3: BFE to generate the kind of revenue it takes to buy things like velvet-covered jet skis. Holy crap, did I just invent those?”
Krundle was intended to bring an entirely new level of customer service to gamers, with preorder incentives like in-game nachos and unexploded Cold War munitions, $50 free-to-play releases that people are free to play as much as they want after they pay 50 bucks and complimentary Portuguese adult films with every purchase over $200. And while Devolver has been forced to step back from the project, Parker said it would continue to do its best to make good games and also reminded consumers that other distribution platforms remain available.
“I guess consumers could also sign up for EA’s Origin service if they’re into ten-year-old train simulators,” he said. “But you can be sure those sons of bitches will never deliver in-game nachos.”
Serious Sam 3: BFE comes out later this year on the PC, Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. And no, we still don’t know what BFE means.