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I taste the new gasoline sherbet and immediately eat fire, spontaneously combusting in Zombie's face. I respawn in the same place.

I accidentally the Mall.
Everyone dies.

>Access saved files
>Load latest save

I glance around, grab some sherbert and sit down.

I'm about to pour gasoline on every, but I decide not to.
"What was I gonna do?"

"Your... uh... darn, I had an overused joke, but I forgot it. Oh well, better luck next time for me."


"People can't even eat fucking ice cream in this godforsaken mall without shit being fucked up."

I slap Sigma's sherbet off his hands. Assuming he's using his hands. I hope.

"You sure there aren't any other ice cream shops? That they can't get into?"

My head does a 180 degree turn to look at Salt.
"But Why Would You Not Want Us To Be There Salt"

"Salt, the mall is infinitely big. Just walk for a few weeks and you'll never have to deal with us ever again."

"It's not that I don't want to deal with any of you ever again. Just you, Trilby."

"I wouldn't suggest that, Trilby. God knows what's outside of our normal hangout space, you know?"

"I love you too, Salt."
I turn to Tox.
"I assume that it's mostly made up of weird and vaguely creepy stores selling strange items we just do not want at all, and stores which, on their original planets, have been closed down, and yet the nature of the mall forces them to remain open... forever..."

"Or, you know, horrendous creatures from parallel universes and dimensions that arrived here by accident or choice after having conquered/destroyed their home planets, wanting to continue their quest for total domination or destruction of the entire omniverse!"

"Yeah, but that's not scary. Just dangerous. And, y'know, we're basically immortal. So danger means precisely jack shit here."

"I never said it was scary. However, it is scarily dangerous, because even if we can never truly die, it doesn't mean they couldn't torture us for the rest of time."

"Right... so, what's your point? If there are any things out there like that, wouldn't they eventually find us by sheer chance? So, that means their possible existence isn't a reason not to leave the area we normally stay in."

Paddy the Second:
"Send the warlocks. I'll stand up when they get here."

You hear chatter from outside.

"I always wanted a spot by the river."

"Really? Are we really having this conversation now?"

"Why not? It's quaint. Has a nice, rustic charm to it."

"Because we're warlocks you bleating idiot! We live humbly among the forest, not in houses! We signed a pact!"

"... What the pact doesn't know won't hurt it."

"Shut up. We're here."

"Exactly, Trilby."

The church door opens and a tulpa, visually identical to me, steps out, closing it behind him. "Gentlemen" he says, "may I ask why you're here?"

"Oh. Hello there. We are representatives of the local warlock community."

"Come to rape your churches and burn your women, kind Sir."


"I mixed it up again, didn't I?"

"...My 'Paddy is utterly fucked' senses are tingling."

"Right... so, you bringing it up was pointless."
I facepalm.

"As pointless as telling Salt to walk in the same direction for a few weeks when he will end up in an even worse situation. You know, there's always his turning insane from isolation."

"Eh, I'm not all that threatening, sane or mad."

"But why?"

"You know what? You should go insane, like that you'll be a perfect match for Sister."

"But...that' would I even...what?"

"I don't know, how do you imagine a person would go insane in this place?"

I open up a lemonade stand.
"Come one, come all! Taste the excellent, extravagant, excruciating lemonade!"

"Fakey bullshit...fake...stuff?"

"Well, that's partly how-HOLY SHIT, LEMONADE!"

I run over to the lemonade stand. "How much is it? Trick question, I'm taking all of it!" I take the pitcher and chug it all up.

I drop a cyanide pill into the pitcher.

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