Yesterday, there was a four hour quest.

[B]Day before[/b], there was an hour long pre-quest thing.

[B]Today[/b] Bob returns to the pre-quest thing, investing many more hours on

[font color=”#dd0000″]Vengeance(!)


though it’s a bit of a let down.

Next day, damnit, I went back to the lair.

Dumped all my stuff off at home, only armor was a looted shield and my dusty sollerets, only weapon my hoom slayer.

I ran out, passed the box again, no problem.

My corpse was still there, of course.

Preservatives are good for you.

Dropped another corpse in the ballroom.




I’m very sure that the corpse spam limit has been increased since my… more relaxed days; last time, I had fifteen or so corpses in my basement and here… I couldn’t count.

Hours of this, vitae had me stopped at the box quite a few times…

My treasure sat with corpse in armor, the one that looked like he knew what he was doing but didn’t have a clue.

He lies there, off to the side, though, away from most of the chaos of the room… at least had the sense for that.

I stand on a “safe” platform low to the floor, ahead is a higher platform, beyond that (and down a bit) is the corpse.

I watch; one red ball spawns at the far end of the room, this is the one flattening flesh.

Only other I should worry about is the blue that spawns directly in front of the platform, rolling off to my left.

So, if I drop from the high platform after the red passes, I should have enough time to loot before it re-spawns.

All I worry about then is the blue, who appears from nowhere, inches from safety.

This strategy allows me to die only seven or eight times more before I recovered my fire/frost ring,

And die again very close to the “safe” platform.

…and only once more recovering that.

The balls now, deprived of a nice smooth surface, were rolling a bit slower now, though more erratic.

And my corpse was [I]open[/i], just anyone could walk in and take my treasure.

MY treasure!

You bastards, you don’t just take people’s treasure!

I have to hurry now, the room’s filled with shifty looking guys… they must be some freak cult, all dressed in this same bizarre costume, they let the things roll over ’em an’ don’t even seem to feel it…

And they’re all crawling towards my corpse, using that *playdead* emote and the sidestep keys… so slowly…


why don’t you just take it?!?

A few deaths later, their numbers have grown… a misstep taught my that standing on the ball seems to be safe.

Jumping down again, I loot, I have it.

I’m comfortably well off!

Oh, but there’s red dead ahead that’s got something to say about that.

The cultists grab at my ankles…

And blue hiding at my back doesn’t like a retreat.

Giddy with wealth, I do the only sane thing and run out into confusion of the room.

Latency obliterates reflex… but all I gotta do is recall.

Out with my casting stein…


Home, stash my treasure in the chest and recall once again.

Not done yet.

Passed the box.

Passed the balls.

Now I was facing a target across a large gap.

I must kill it.

Somethings are shooting me.

I cannot jump this gap with my vitae, sos I take out my disks an’ start strafing.

Most, but not all the arrows, then, strike me, and I live long enough to, as it turns out the goal was, get a critical hit on the target.

Good it wasn’t a throw weapons skill check.

Stupid Oswald.

Damn, though, next room was worst of all.

A riddle.

Babysitter tells you, “These are four funny tuskers. Each likes to play with a ball, but they will only play with a ball of their favorite color. Speak to them to learn whose favorite color is which. But be warned:”
Babysitter tells you, “One is a liar, One always tells the truth, one alternates between the truth and fiction and the last, whose rules for telling the truth when he makes three statements are different than the other three tuskies.”
Babysitter tells you, “One final note: The tuskies like the color of the balls dependent on their age. The youngest likes the green ball. The oldest likes the blue ball. The second oldest likes the red ball. The second youngest likes the yellow ball.”
Babysitter tells you, “When you think you have figured out the puzzle hand the balls to the children. Then use the statue on the other side of the room to see if you are right so you can pass into the master’s room.”

One of [I]those riddles.

I could have just looked it up… but no

I sat there twenty minutes scribbling through trial and error in my miadun hu okardunai, one or two people passing through as I sat…

At last I [I]thought[/i] I had it, or a reasonable chance at it, an’ asked in dIRCal if I was right (without explaining the question or the answer, it’s the only way to be sure).



I was through!

I made it to the git’s room, and his stuff was at my mercy.

I cleaned out his chests, this master bandit didn’t have much of value…

A cool looking dirk I couldn’t use.

I trashed what I could of the room, AC doesn’t allow for much… left a few dozen eggs here and there…

Figured it’ll be a while before he gets back.

That’ll do, that’ll do.

I’m home.

Bag of pine for my ring.

Bag of ivory and a hook for Oswald’s dirk.

Replaced my footstool with a big heap of treasure.

Lockpicking, stealth, throwing things, jumping, corpse spamming, and cooking (all my eggings are fried)…

Can’t believe I missed out on that vagabond template.

I am a vagabond now, though… they just left out that title token.

Even if I couldn’t hope to kill of everything on that quest, I still have better chances at finishing it than any “sane” player…

Technically, it’s only a locked door, and that puzzle box…

But mentally, it’s more than that.

I am a vagabond.

I won.

…but, y’know, columning’s slow…

I’m actually a miner now.

[b]–BBQ Bob[/b]

You may also like