This story was originally submitted to Mythic!
The camp was rowdy as usual. In the orc way, there were small fights over small things. Everyone was excited over the new WAAAGH! that Warboss Rokgutz was assembling. Many fights and much looting was promised. Urgok did not care much about the looting. All he wanted was the good fights, and it did not matter much who or what he got to smash.
The WAAAGH! had made camp on the top of a large hill, surrounded by a light forest, overlooking the landscape. Many small human settlements could be seen in the distance. “Lotsa humies ta smash!” was the only thought that was passing through Urgoks small mind. “Dat Rokgutz git betta git dis WAAAGH! movin, or mes gonna smash ‘im too!” Urgok mumbled to himself. Without really thinking about it, Urgok kicked a small stone, sending it flying into a small nearby collection of bushes. The flight ended with a sound that sounded like it bumping into a piece of metal, and a silent “unf!”. “Dats no leafy sound!” Urgok thought.
As he made his way towards the bushes, two small figures huddled away; one of them wore a dented metal helmet. “I SEE HUMIES!” Urgok yelled as he started running after them, choppa and shield in hand. The humans however were much swifter runners than Urgok, and quickly left him behind.
As Urgok stopped, catching his breath his orc brethren and even Rokgutz came running. “Wheres da humies?!” one of the orcs asked.
“Dems runnin gits, dey be much betta runnin den fightin!” Urgok proclaimed. Rokgutz looked at him harshly.
“Ya rotten git! Now dem humies knows wez be comin!”. Urgok looked at him defiantly. “Demz only humies! Dey bring more humies ta fight! More humies ta smash!”
Rokgutz punched him in the face. “Ya dumb git, wez were gunna catch ’em by surpize!”. Rokgutz walked off with his cohorts, leaving Urgok in the dirt.
“Mes gunna catch yous by surpize ya lousy git wun day ya lousy git!” Urgok mumbled to himself.
The next morning the WAAAGH! broke camp and started moving toward the nearest human settlement. Urgok was still miffed about last night’s events and was looking forward to some old fashioned bashing. After a few hours’ march they reached a small village, but it was deserted. In frustration, the WAAAGH! set every building on fire, smashed everything else in sight and moved on.
Five days, four settlements and no humans later, the WAAAGH! was getting anxious. Urgok knew he was itching for a fight, and he did not care what he fought at this point. He spotted one of Rokgutz’s cohorts. He swiftly walked up to him and punched him in his face. “Dats wut yous gets fer bein a git!” The orc quickly got on his feet, yelling
“Whos yous callins a git ya runt?!”
“Yous a worthless git an yous knows it!” Urgok yelled back. The orc rushed Urgok and like orc custom, violence ensued, and not only between Urgok and his opponent. All the aggression being bottled up in the WAAAGH! got released in one big brawl.
A few hours later, half the WAAAGH! was dead and the rest were still fighting. Hidden in the woods nearby, two figures looked confused at each other. “What are they doing?” one of them said.
The other figure, with a dented metal helmet said “I don’t know, but they just spared the Empire a bloody battle.”