This week’s issue of The Escapist gives you the ABCs on the nerd’s love of collecting things, whether that be achievement points, blind box toys, or comic books. We geeks are always looking for the next unique addition to our bedrooms, desks, or specially-designed collector’s cases, and one of the best places to find a truly one-of-a-kind piece is the DIY mass-marketplace Etsy.com. In the game of crafting, though, there are definite winners and losers. This gallery includes the most coveted handcrafted geek collectibles, and some that we just can’t quite wrap our brains around. Note that most these items are often totally unique, so if you see something you like, make sure you scoop it up before someone else does!

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There’s no guarantee that drinking from this stein will provide you with long life and prosperity. It is, however, a highly logical choice for beverage containment.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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A FarmVille necklace for you, your mom, or anyone else you know who’s obsessed with tending their virtual crops. It’s a gift guaranteed to make someone update their Facebook status.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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I know royal families sometimes have health issues, being subject to inbreeding and all, but man, do Peach’s eyes look crazy up close.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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“Whoa, that’s a full traditional sampler all the way. Traditional sampler, oh my god. It’s a traditional sampler, all the way. Whoa, that’s so intense.”

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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These sophisticated cufflinks are perfectly suited for all formal occasions: Weddings, banquets, and black-tie Pokemon battles.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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I press “W” to cast “want” on this cushy, felty pillow.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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I know it looks small, but I have 5,000 dice in here.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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Doctor, doctor, oh, please, I need your help. I just put this print up on my wall, and I… I can’t handle it any longer. It’s too much, it’s, oh it’s just too… I think I’m dying of squee!

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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You may not be able to get that guy you like to beat up all your ex’s, but at least you can look the part. Now all you need are some rollerblades and various colored hair products. The fact that this handbag ships from Canada only sweetens the deal. (Wait, what’s the web address for amazon.ca?)

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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Lemme just take a look in my duct-tape wallet here…*DING* Sweet! I’ve reached level… -$10…oh, crap…

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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With this fleecy neckwarmer, you eliminate the frustration of both finding the perfect little Mario mustache and keeping it glued to your face.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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Anyone can play Zelda, but only the truly dedicated will take the extra step to smell like Zelda. The game, that is, not the character (though we hear she smells oddly like waffles). This painstakingly crafted replica of the classic game, crafted in golden soap and infused with the cleansing scent of Mountain Dew, is something every elf-boy (or girl) in training clearly must have.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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If I’m gonna wear a dress, I want something with some slink, and if I’m gonna wear earrings, they had better have Mal Reynolds on ’em.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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This tangible Minecraft block makes it so much simpler to check off that to-do list: Watch Top Gear. Play Minecraft. Play Minecraft in real life. Get pig. Introduce pig into real-life Minecraft.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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I’ve heard tell that the cake is a lie, but these adorable stickers almost make up for that untruth. (Almost.)

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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Once I get my hands on this magnet, I’ll sleep soundly with the knowledge that Luke and Leia will bark ferociously at anyone attempting to raid my Hot Pocket-filled freezer.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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This stuffed toy provides a proper (and less plastic-y) way to snuggle up to your Xbox controller. Then again, we won’t judge you if you still give the real thing a quick cuddle every now and then.

Find it on Etsy!
(Creator’s Page)

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