LoveFAQ is a weekly advice column for geeks, by geeks about love, life and maxing out your romance meter. Got questions for LoveFAQs? Send them to [email protected].
Dear Love FAQ,
I used to struggle with confidence, but moving to a different school did wonders for my self-esteem. Now I can walk through the halls confident and proud, and I don’t insult myself every time I look in the mirror.
But I still can’t manage to find a girlfriend. I’ve been told I’m smart, funny, charming, and cute and one of my best friends, a girl, told me that I could get any girl I wanted. So why am I having so much trouble?
Seventeen Ain’t So Sweet
Easy. Because you strut your stuff like a boss.
No, really. Seventeen-year-olds who have their shit together are intimidating, especially to other teenagers. For those who aren’t as sure of themselves – which, let’s be honest, describes 99.7% of the under-18 crowd – seeing someone who actually likes himself at that age can be a little, well, scary.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t be confident or proud, or worse, that you should try to hide it – quite the opposite, in fact. Ladies (especially the sane, stable ones) love a man with confidence. But they simply may not believe that someone as put-together as you would ever be interested in someone as shy or boring or [insert adjective here] as them.
So don’t play coy. If you have a girl you like, go after her. Or don’t.
Either way, don’t stress over it. You’re only 17, and you’ve got your whole life ahead of you to date around. It’ll happen, probably the moment you stop looking for it.
Dear Love FAQ,
I’m a twenty-something college student and am starting to sexually fantasize about my current English professor. She’s smart, geeky and enthusiastic, like an older, hotter schoolgirl.
I’m fairly certain that she’s single, or at least divorced, but I know better than to act on my fantasies — or even give her any hint – since, even though we’re both adults, it would mark the end of our respective educational careers.
My question is: should I stop these fantasizing about her? Or, as long as I don’t take it too far, should I just enjoy it while it lasts?
— I’ve Got It Bad, So Bad
Fantasize about her as much and as wantonly as you like – as long as it stays in your head. Oh, I know the temptation exists to try to turn your fantasies into reality, but your instincts are dead on: Currently she holds a position of authority over you, and pursuing her while you’re still her student can only lead to ruin.
Once the semester’s over, however…
Well, it’s like you said: You’re both adults. Use your imagination.
Dear Love FAQ,
I’m a major part of my college campus’s geek-scene, being both involved in D&D games, as well as our anime club. With the influx of freshmen, I was excited to meet all of the new faces joining us, since the more geeks around, the better, of course.
Then I met “Kord”. At first, he seemed nice enough. However, over the past few weeks, his actions have become creepy, at best.
He stares at me. He takes things out of my backpack for no reason, then teases me about it. He posted pictures of large spiders on my Facebook to get my reaction, even though I’m an extreme arachnophobe, and he “Likes” everything I post, or that’s posted about me. He already has nicknames for me, and we just met a few weeks ago. And this just skims the surface of creepiness.
But he’s part of the Anime group I’m in, as well as my main Dungeons and Dragons group, so it’s not like I can easily avoid him for those times.
I’d be lying if I said his attention wasn’t helping my low self-esteem, but I’m not ready to date, which I’ve told him in passing. Not to mention – I’m really not into him. He teases me, has poor hygiene, our personalities clash — he just really rubs me the wrong way.
So what do I do? I could try to avoid him, but I don’t want to give up the things I love just because he’s now a part of them. I could tell him off, but I don’t want to hurt him. Or should I just wait and see?
Cleric of Ioun
It’s clear Creepmaster K here needs some time to grow up and chill out (and maybe learn to bathe), since obviously they didn’t teach basic social graces under that rock he crawled out from. But it’s not your responsibility to educate him, and, frankly, he’ll just keep on creepin’ on as long as you let him.
Waiting this out isn’t an option. Nevermind that you’d be miserable for the next several weeks or months or however long it took for him to get over it, because your plan assumes that he will, in fact, get over it; that he won’t just take your silence as tacit approval of his profoundly stupid advances. Which, if I know my creepers, is exactly what he’d do.
So stand up for yourself. Kick him out of your D&D group. Stop talking to him at anime club. Block him on Facebook. Seriously, if you gotta be a bitch, then be a bitch. This guy isn’t going to understand any other way.
Do not trouble yourself over hurting his feelings, because frankly, he’s not exactly worrying over yours by being such a creeper. And some people just don’t get a subtle brush-off. He needs a reality check, not a gentle pat on the head. So turn him down, and keep turning him away as long as it takes.
Yes, he’ll probably hate you for a little bit, but that’s not an excuse to stay silent. Haters gonna hate, girl, and that’s a lesson you need to learn too, because honestly – what does the approval of a creeper mean, anyway? He’ll get over it. You’ll get over it. And in time, you’ll both forget this ever happened.
Or you won’t. But at least he won’t be sending you spider pictures anymore.
Disclaimer: LoveFAQ is written by Lara Crigger, who is by no means a trained psychiatrist or therapist or even a middle school guidance counselor – just a smart gal who wants to help out her fellow geek. LoveFAQ is meant for entertainment purposes only, so don’t take it as a substitute for professional advice. If you have real problems, consult your physician.
Got a burning question (or a question about burning) for LoveFAQ? Send your emails to [email protected]. All submissions are confidential and anonymous.