Tier List Tuesday: Ranking ARC Raiders bots, but by cuteness

Welcome to our brand-new tier list column! Every week, expect some chaotic and hilarious rankings by Aaron Alford that look at the more important aspects of the games we play.

There are sixteen ARC enemy types in the game, all with their own deadly arsenal of tools, weapons, and abilities to f**k your entire game up.

But here at The Escapist, we are asking the real question in today’s definitive and objective tier list: Which of those sixteen are the cutest?

It’s a question I often ask myself as I’m getting barraged with bullets and tasered, so I figured others may be wondering as well. Well, wonder no more! This is the definitive ranking of cuteness for the current meta.

S-Tier: Would rather snuggle than fight

Pops

Look, I know this thing is trying to self-detonate and take me with it, but check out at how cute it is! Their spherical design makes them feel less militant, leaving one to ask, “If not friend, why friend shaped?”

And once it starts playing hide and seek with you in a corridor, you can’t help but go, “Aww it’s cute” right before it peekaboo explodes you. It’s like if BB-8 were a suicide bomb!

A-Tier: Aww, it’s so cute

Fireball

While the Fireball may look similar to a Pop, it is relatively low on the cuteness scale because it lacks the bubbly personality of a Pop. The Fireball’s go-to move is to roll right at you and spit fire, which frankly isn’t very cool of it.

But, for a glowing ball just chilling in the wreckage of a once great civilization, who can blame it for looking for new friends to burn to death?

Surveyor

He may be shy, and he certainly is going to play hard to get, but Surveyors are among the cuter ARC bots. They enjoy a merry chase, and their spherical form offers a similar appeal to the other spherical bots, trading a militant aesthetic for a whimsical ball shape. 

You’re almost tempted to follow it, see where it’s heading, but then Surveyor will stop its seemingly silly journey around the apocalyptic land to steamroll it. Sorta B-tier of it… But totally A-tier from afar.

Leaper

This may be an unpopular opinion, but Leapers are low-key cute AF. They remind me of a dog, who, upon realizing you just entered the yard, cannot WAIT to jump on you. Sure, it’s a bad dog, but adorable nonetheless.

Once a Leaper spots you, he’s gonna throw his body into the air across the map just to get near you. It’s endearing. It’s sorta like seeing your dog wandering around aimlessly on a pet cam, depressed and lonely. Then you come home and BAM, you’re getting jumped on.  

And with its four legs ambling and pouncing while carrying its spherical body, its visual design is quite fun compared to the other bots in the wasteland. 

B-Tier: It’s cute, sorta

Snitch

The Snitch is sorta cute in part because it just wants to be friends. Sure, technically its role is to find you and report back to the hivemind that desires to consume your fleshy body and break your bones, but at least it won’t hurt you… directly.

If I’m gonna get spotted by something, I would rather it be this cutie than a Shredder.

You almost feel bad when you shoot a Snitch, watching it helplessly clamor around like a deflating balloon. I often wonder if I’ve done the right thing…

Bastion

Bastions are objectively scary to face, but from a distance, they look like an overgrown crab whose body is too big for its legs.

It’s not the cuddliest creature in the game, but it’s not ugly either. If you put a bunch of them in a room together, you could definitely recreate that crab rave meme and that’s worth something.

Bombardier

Offering a similar vibe and look to the Bastion, their design also gives an overgrown crab. Just don’t get too close, because this overgrown crab wants to blow you to bits.

ARC Raiders loves its murdurous crabs. We have grown to semi-love them as well.

Queens and Matriarchs

I’m grouping these two, because, let’s face it, Matriarchs are just bigger, more dramatic Queens.

Queens and Matriarchs are not the cutest bots in the game. But you can’t deny that they are cute. The way they lumber around, looking like giant spiders, is not without merit.

While I don’t want to snuggle one, I also feel a little bad breaking all its legs and ripping open its body for parts.

C-Tier: Meh

Turrets

I mean, what is there to say? It’s not actively disgusting the way that D-Tier bots are, but it’s also not giving much personality to discuss.

It’s a turret: it see, it shoot, and I feel nothing for it either way.

Wasp and Hornet

I’m gonna group these fellas up, because they are very similar in appearance and behavior.

They don’t really offer much in the personality department, mostly just flying around scanning stuff, and occasionally shooting anything that moves. They’re very militant-looking, much like the drones we already have in our reality, leading to them feeling more like a weapon.

And for that reason, they are C-Tier. Super basic. Dying to one is just so groan-worthy; it feels like a waste of effort just to die to something so plain and common.

Rocketeer

These blobs of metal and violence patrol the skies and terrorize Raiders unlucky enough to be detected.

Sure, they have some cool thrusters (that are armored BTW), but mostly my experience with these things is their red eye judging my puny human form, followed by an indiscriminate volley of rockets.

Not cute. I’ll pass.

D-Tier: Naw, kill it with fire

Tick 

These tiny spider-like infestations are garbage.

With no cute behavior (honestly, maybe even creepy, scurrying behavior) and an even less cute design, the Tick evokes no sympathy from me.

These six-legged bastards are more focused on latching onto your face than anything, Alien style. I will be killing them with fire on sight before they attempt to lay cold, robotic eggs in my stomach.

Shredder

When I walk into a room and see a shredder, I just want to fuck that thing up.

It’s as if Rosey from The Jetsons was corrupted by Vecna. An ugly, vaguely humanoid bastard who flings shrapnel at me? I’m good, kill it and salvage its body for scrap.

Sometimes I’m so disgusted I don’t even want to go loot its corpse after it’s gunned down. I’m just so over it by that point.

All images from ARC Raiders Wiki

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