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Promotion Blues (or Ups-and-Downs-Grades)

This article is over 17 years old and may contain outdated information

Author: Medivac Two

Medivac Two stared at the empty glass sitting in front of him and through it. He knew everything there was to know about the glass. He knew exactly how tall it was, how much it weighed and its molecular composition. He could even detect trace micro-fractures in the glass and based on that, calculate the approximate decay rate of it.

With his promotion to Security Level 30, Medivac had been offered the opportunity to “upgrade” some of his cybernetic components in order to enhance his efficiency out on the streets. Naturally, he’d jumped at the opportunity. While he thought himself a capable hero, anything that could give him more of an edge against the criminals out there was welcome. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been that simple. It was never that simple.

“Bar Keep! Fill it up again!” Medivac said, slapping his hand on the counter. His voice was monotone, with a trace of agitation in it.

“I don’t know, bub… ” The bartender said, hesitating. He held the bottle inches from the glass.
“That’s like your 7th glass of straight whiskey inside a half-hour. No man I’ve ever met could drink like that and stay out of the hospital.”

“Well, I’m not like any man you’ve ever met before,” Medivac said, snatching the bottle from the bartender’s hands with lightning speed.

The moment he touched the bottle, his new sensors started analyzing the object in his hand. Weight, composition, temperature… Without even realizing it, Medivac had done a complete work-up on the bottle, even performing a preliminary chemical analysis on its contents.

Thats how it was now. Thanks to his cybernetic implants, he was a walking forensics lab. He had the ability to analyze a criminal from a safe distance and determine possible weaknesses, then relay those weaknesses to whatever hero he might be working with. It certainly did have its uses out on the streets. He’d only had the modifications for a short time and they had already saved both him and his partner a lot of trouble.

Not only that, but his new upgrades also took preventative measures to help keep him safe. If a criminal was able to somehow poison Medivac with a foreign agent, Medivac’s Automated Defense Systems would immediately attack and neutralize the foreign agent. For all intent and purposes, he should never have to worry about anything from catching a Cold to Neurological, Biological or Chemical Warfare.

Medivac sighed and took a long drink straight from the bottle. The moment the whiskey slid down his throat he felt his new modifications kick in and heard the internal notification system that had also been installed.

“WARNING!” came the digital voice in Medivac’s head. “A FOREIGN SUBSTANCE HAS BEEN DETECTED IN THE BLOOD-STREAM. ANALYZING….”

Not even a millisecond later, Medivac heard the voice again. Not that he needed to though. He knew it would say the same thing it had said the six previous times…

“ANALYSIS COMPLETE. SUBSTANCE IDENTIFIED AND ASSESTS AS A POTENTIAL RISK. PURGING SUBSTANCE FROM THE BLOOD-STREAM.”

Medivac shook the bottle in frustration and yelled out loud.

“You could have at least let me enjoy a drink for gods sake!”

The bartender stared at him with a strange look on his face, and then shook his head.

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