Radio Shoot Club, Part Two

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07/12/07

TREVOR: Hello, I’m Trevor and this is Radio Shoot Club. I’m here with–

DOUGLAS: Isn’t there going to be music?

_: Yeah, yeah, they add that in later.

DOUGLAS: When I did my radio show, we started out playing the music so we could hear it. It helps get you psyched up if you can hear it. I don’t know, I guess podcasts are different.

_: Yeah, they’re different. That’s more of a radio thing. Podcasts can just edit in that stuff later.

TREVOR: Can I finish introducing everyone? Jeeze.

_: Actually, let’s go ahead and start over. Nick, can you hear me in there?

DOUGLAS: Of course he can hear you, he’s the engineer. It’s his job to record all of this. What kind of engineer can’t hear you?

_: Nick, can we start over?

(FEEDBACK)

_: Oh, okay. But we can edit around it, right?

(FEEDBACK)

_: Yes, I can hear you fine over the headphones.

TREVOR: I can’t hear him. It’s just making a lot of racket when he talks.

(FEEDBACK)

TREVOR: Yeah, I couldn’t hear that either. Should I just start over?

_: Take it from the intro.

TREVOR: This is Trevor and welcome to Radio Shoot Club, this week’s Shoot Club podcast.

DOUGLAS: It might help if you know what music they’re going to play.

TREVOR: We already know that. That was one of the first things I stipulated when _ asked me to do this.

_ You still haven’t introduced us.

DOUGLAS: What music?

TREVOR: Blue Oyster Cult. Godzilla.

DOUGLAS: As the intro?

_: And I’m _ and that was Douglas asking about the music. It helps if people know whose voice is who. Okay, I’ve introduced us. Go ahead.

TREVOR: As I was saying, welcome to the Shoot Club podcast.

(SOUND OF A COW)

DOUGLAS: What the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) is that for?

TREVOR: It’s my sound effect. I also have this.

(SOUND OF A SLIDE WHISTLE)

DOUGLAS: What are you, Carrot Top?

TREVOR: I thought it would be cool to have sound effects.

_: Yeah, I think that’s more of a radio thing, too.

TREVOR: That doesn’t mean we can’t do it.

(SOUND OF A COW)

DOUGLAS: That’s going to get old fast.

TREVOR: I’m here with videogaming journalist _, and everyman videogamer Douglas.

_: I already did the introductions.

(SOUND OF A COW)

TREVOR: Our topics this week. The latest Harry Potter game, which has learned a thing or two from Bully. Plus Overlord, a rollicking minion romper. And The Darkness, the chilling new horror shooter from Starbreeze. Are you afraid of the dark? And more. But first, this week’s top ten list. The Top Ten Reasons Zelda Is Better Than Sex. Number ten. Link’s slingshot is–

(FEEDBACK)

(10:17 OF DEAD AIR)

(FEEDBACK)

_: This whole time? When did you start back up?

(FEEDBACK)

TREVOR: I can’t hear that dude. Are you saying none of the Top Ten List was in there?

_: He said we should just go ahead. We can do a pick up session another time if we have to.

DOUGLAS: I’m back. What did I miss?

TREVOR: They didn’t have diet?

DOUGLAS: You didn’t say diet.

TREVOR: I did. I said diet. I always drink diet. You heard me say diet, right?

_: Can we not leave while we’re recording?

DOUGLAS: He was doing the Top Ten List. I don’t need to be here for that, do I?

_: We finished it. We also already did Harry Potter.

DOUGLAS: I didn’t play that. It’s for kids.

TREVOR: What took you so long?

DOUGLAS: I was showing Denise my iPhone.

TREVOR: Denise?

DOUGLAS: The receptionist.

TREVOR: I bet you were showing her your iPhone.

DOUGLAS: Check it out.

TREVOR: Whose number is that?

DOUGLAS: Who do you think?

TREVOR: You should put her name on it. Want me to do it for you?

DOUGLAS: I can do it. I didn’t have time before. I was pretending to show her how my iPhone works and I was all, Hey, want to hear a cool ring tone? Call my cell real quick. Can you believe she fell for that one?

_ Okay, let’s just keep going. We can edit all this out.

DOUGLAS: We’re live? Oh (EXPLETIVE DELETED), can she hear this out there?

TREVOR: And now Douglas with the news.

DOUGLAS: Seriously, you guys, you need to tell me when we’re recording. There should be like a red light over the door.

_: There is. It’s that sign that lights up that says recording.

DOUGLAS: Man, if I get burned, I’m so blaming you (EXPLETIVE DELETED). Okay, on to the news. This group called the NPD just put out –

_: Those are the folks who do the sales lists. Top selling games.

DOUGLAS: Yeah, those guys. They just put out a report that says that heavy gamers are a minority of people who play games, but they spend a lot more money than normal people and they buy 4.6 games a month. So, that’s heavy gamers.

TREVOR: What does that have to do with anything?

DOUGLAS: You know it’s true, fat boy.

TREVOR: Why are they breaking it down like that? I don’t see what it matters.

_: I don’t think that’s-

DOUGLAS: You’re in your own group now, dude. Heavy gamers. That’s you.

TREVOR: That’s total bull. Do they make lists of tall gamers? Black gamers?

DOUGLAS: I’m in the svelte gamers group.

TREVOR: That’s totally discrimination.

_: I don’t think that’s what that means, Douglas. The report said –

DOUGLAS: You can read it for yourself if you don’t believe me.

TREVOR: That’s bull. That doesn’t have anything to do with anything. Plus, I’ve lost, like, ten pounds and you guys didn’t even say anything.

DOUGLAS: This week at E3-

_: We’re doing all that in next week’s show. That’ll be our E3 podcast.

DOUGLAS: Oh. Well, then, I don’t have anything else.

_: Okay, so much for the news.

DOUGLAS: And that’s the news. Until next time, play hard, and have fun.

_: Now on to This Week in Games. Trevor, what are you playing?

TREVOR: Are we done making fun of my weight? You guys are so immature. It’s not like I make fun of your, your, I don’t make fun of your-

DOUGLAS: What? Make fun of my what? Go ahead, what do you not make fun of?

TREVOR: Your, your, those little wrinkles at the sides of your eyes. Your crow’s feet. I don’t make fun of those, but I might as well start. Crowfoot. So should I just start at the top of this list you gave us?

_: Sure, just start at the top.

TREVOR: Well, these are in alphabetical order. We might want to mix it up a little. Also, shouldn’t The Darkness be under D? If we’re going to use the, everything’s going to be in the T’s.

DOUGLAS: No they’re not. How many games start with the?

TREVOR: Lots of them do, Crowfoot. The Sims. The God of War. The World of Warcraft. In fact, pretty much any game.

DOUGLAS: Is that true? Did he say those right?

_: I don’t think that’s right. You don’t say The Command & Conquer 3, for instance.

TREVOR: Oh, so you come up with one example.

_: You don’t say The Tomb Raider: Anniversary.

TREVOR: Uh, yes you do. How many Tomb Raiders are there? One. Lara Croft. The Tomb Raider. But that’s already under T, so it’s not a good example.

_: Okay, so we’ll start with The Darkness then.

TREVOR: Combat Mission. That’s still before Darkness.

_: Okay, Combat Mission: Shock Force. What did you guys think?

(SOUND OF A COW)

_: Does that mean you didn’t play it?

TREVOR: I don’t really do wargames.

DOUGLAS: I didn’t like it.

_: Did you play it?

DOUGLAS: Not really, but I can tell I wouldn’t like it. The graphics sucked. Even for a wargame.

_: Well, it’s not really a wargame. It’s more like a turn-based RTS. But okay, we’ll skip that one and go straight to The Darkness. What did you guys think of that one?

TREVOR: Awesome

DOUGLAS: It was really fun.

_: I didn’t really like it.

DOUGLAS: No, no, it’s great. Really cool. Really fun. Immersive world. You can, like, rip out people’s hearts. Not many games do that.

TREVOR: Mortal Kombat.

DOUGLAS: Okay, what’s next? Grim Grimoire.

_: We’re done with The Darkness?

DOUGLAS: Well, we liked it, you didn’t. Enough said. Grim Grimoire.

TREVOR: Didn’t like it.

DOUGLAS: Didn’t like it. Too Japanese.

TREVOR: Way too Japanese.

_: I liked it.

TREVOR: Overlord?

_: I really liked it.

DOUGLAS: Didn’t like it.

TREVOR: Didn’t like it.

_: Did you guys even play far enough to get the red minions?

DOUGLAS: Those goblin things? There are red ones?

TREVOR: What do they do?

_: They, like, throw fire. There are also green and blue minions. There are lots of battles and puzzle type challenges later in the game.

TREVOR: I don’t like it. Sounds like a rip-off of Pikmin.

DOUGLAS: What’s Pikmin?

TREVOR: Nintendo. You wouldn’t like it.

DOUGLAS: Oh, okay. Next. Pokemon Battle Revolutions. Are you (EXPLETIVE DELETED) kidding me. Next.

_: We’re done with Overlord?

TREVOR: We’re moving on to Pokemon Battle Revolutions. I liked it.

DOUGLAS: I didn’t like it.

TREVOR: Okay, next.

_: Wait, aren’t we going to talk about these games?

TREVOR: We are talking about these games. Next. Raw Danger.

DOUGLAS: Didn’t like it. Raw Danger is the worst name for a game ever. How stupid is that? Raw Danger.

TREVOR: I actually tried to play it.

_: Ah, good, since I didn’t get around to that one.

TREVOR: You play a waiter. You have to get the mayor a glass of water. That’s your first quest. Get the mayor a drink of water. Then a flood comes. At least I think that’s what happens.

DOUGLAS: Next. The Darkness. We already did that one. Now what?

TREVOR: Oh, speaking of D’s, what about Dwarf Fortress?

_: Still haven’t played it.

TREVOR: You gotta play Dwarf Fortress.

_: Right. I’m sure I do. I also need to play Mule on a C64 emulator. Which I’ll get around to right after I watch The Jazz Singer and Battleship Potemkin this weekend. Instead of, you know, going to see The Transformers again.

TREVOR: I don’t know what seeing the Transformers again has to do with this. I’ve seen it twice. What’s the big deal?

DOUGLAS: What’s Dwarf Fortress? That sounds cool.

TREVOR: You wouldn’t like it. There’s no graphics. Just letters. Like a book.

DOUGLAS: That makes no sense.

TREVOR: See. I told you you wouldn’t like it. Okay, on to this week’s Videogame Watch. I have two game sightings this week. They showed Gears of War in Die Hard 4. Twice. They showed it twice. One gameplay sequence and one title screen. And they showed DDR in Transformers.

_: Actually, I don’t think they did. They just showed a dancepad.

TREVOR: Well, what else are you going to play with a dancepad. But I’ll give you that one. Okay, awesome. This has been this week’s Videogame Watch.

(SOUND OF A SLIDE WHISTLE)

DOUGLAS: I can’t believe you bought those just for the podcast. Money must have been burning a hole in your pocket. Are you getting a hundred bucks a show also?

TREVOR: We get a hundred bucks?

_: You don’t get a hundred bucks.

TREVOR: How much do we get?

_: You get the same amount as me, which is zero.

TREVOR: Wait, then why are we doing this?

_: Fame? Glamour? Chicks? I don’t know, why are you doing it?

TREVOR: Because you asked me to.

_: Well, there you go. That’s why you’re doing it.

TREVOR: Okay, but I wouldn’t mind the hundred bucks, too.

_: There is no hundred bucks.

(FEEDBACK)

TREVOR: What did he say? We have to wrap it up?

_: Yeah, we’re over time.

TREVOR: Okay, let’s wrap it up. Next week, it’s our coverage of E3 2006 on Radio Shoot Club.

(SOUND OF A COW)

_: 2007.

TREVOR: That’s what I said.

_: You said 2006.

(SOUND OF COW)

To be continued…

***

Tom Chick has been writing about videogames for fifteen years. His work appears in Games for Windows Magazine, Yahoo, Gamespy, Sci-Fi, and Variety. He lives in Los Angeles. Shoot Club appears in this space every Thursday.