You know, I have been living in a very dark shadow most my life. So many things went wrong during my past that I lost control and sight on who I am and what I really want from life. My past is filled with people who lie, cheated and hurt me so bad. At one time, I even harbored a guilt for years over someone I once cared about taking her life. During this constant string of pain I started to hate myself severly for allowing all these things to happen. For being a nice guy and trying to be different from the rest.
Soon I was going back to the way I once lived: the way I once hid. And that’s hiding behind so many false realities. Only sleeping and writing books to take my mind away from who I am and where I stood. I hated where I stood with a passion, I may be twenty with a book being published. But to me, it did not matter. Soon I felt a overwhelming hate toward everyone in life. For ever doing wrong to me or for acting the way people sometimes do. I hated God for not doing anything to better my life. I was miserable, with no path in life. Worried of every little thing and felt so alone…..But hear me out, I am telling you this now. So please read carefuly. I spent so much of my life hiding and filled with my own pain. That I failed to see that there are countless good things waiting for us.
You never know when things will change, but for me: my world changed today. I was finally able to let go of the anger and accept the past. To realize that everything happens for a reason. It truly does, God was there for me countless times. And during my guilt felt years, I was not able to see that. I do now, and I know God exist and that he has meaning for each of us.
I dont know how things will turn out for me, I dont know whether or not my book will sell lots of copies and change peoples lives. Or if it will flop and I will be left with the pain of failure. I dont know if I will find a girl, who will see the love I have to give, see the gentlness in my heart. A girl who will be there 100% for me, not just in my life, but my writing as well. I was told to wait till my book is out, then girls will come. I never wanted that. I still dont.
Point of this writing is this: you never know what life is going to send your way. And at times, we may want to break down from it all. But please know that you are so strong inside and nothing can break the strength that harbors in you. Happiness awaits all of us and soon, you will understand that true nature of your existance. Till that day, hold your head up high and know. That even at your most painful moments, God will be there, and if you need someone to talk to, so will I.