Reliable Source: Australia, Kittens and Accidental Racism


Serial Mauler on the Loose Says Wii Owner

The Ohio State police warn residents of the Hillcrest community to be on the lookout for a deceptively cute kitten thought to have been involved in an attack on an area Wii owner. The kitten answers to the name “Blossom.”

The Hillcrest police department issued the following warning, “Over the years, this community has been shaken to its core by a series of brutal attacks that has left at least one knitter without feeling in her toes, and another man blind after putting on some of those novelty googly-eye glasses. This may seem like your average kitten, but there’s some DNA evidence that closely ties the kitten to the brutal slayings of two families in the late 90s.”

Local police also suspect Blossom was responsible for another Wii incident (Wiicident) in 2007. A local resident, William Jones, was attacked while playing Super Mario Galaxy by a cat fitting Blossom’s description. The attack left Jones’ face badly scarred, though he managed to escape by luring his attacker into the bathroom with a bit of twine. Amazingly, the kitten escaped after learning how to turn the latch on the door.

Residents should take caution to steer clear of cute, seemingly helpless animals, and at all costs avoid wearing clothes with tassels, fringe and other forms of decorative cording.

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Ubisoft Celebrates American Disaster With Free DLC

To celebrate Pearl Harbor day, Ubisoft will be releasing a free DLC pack for Blazing Angels II. The pack focuses on the experiences of Pearl Harbor through the eyes of a shore-bound sailor on the day of the Japanese attack.

A press release announced further details, “You play as Howard Mason, a grizzled sailor on shore-leave who is visiting his family for the first time in many years. Throughout the two two-hour campaign, you experience the thrill and excitement of powerlessly watching your family and friends die in slow motion cinematics. The download pack boasts one of the best dismemberment physics engines available since Brother’s in Arms.

This DLC will be available December 7th, and Ubisoft hopes that it will be better received than last year’s promotion – a 50 gamer point Ride the Bomb achievement to commemorate the end of the war in the Pacific.


L4D 2 Banned in Australia

Australians are no strangers to having their games banned, but this week the anger was palpable when the Australian games rating board saw fit to refuse classification to Left 4 Dead 2. This was shocking to many fans because the game’s predecessor made it through the rating process without any problems. Many Australians are outraged over what they claim is the unfair banning of a game that is much like its predecessor in terms of graphic violence, dismemberment, and gore. However, the Australian ratings board countered that in terms of danger to children, games were second only to dingoes.

Amongst the many confused Left 4 Dead 2 fans, boycotters of the sequel to the popular game are wondering whether they should applaud the Australian ratings board for siding with them or boycott Australia by refusing to eat Vegemite.



Potentially Racist Words in Scribblenauts

Users have discovered a potentially inflammatory word in the Scribblenauts dictionary that could lead to lawsuits, or worse. The word in question is sambo, a Spanish word often used to describe a squash that looks like a watermelon; often used in Ecuadorian cooking. In the US, however, the word is associated with an antiquated pejorative to describe African-Americans. The term dates back to the 19th century when Sambo was a common name for slaves.

The makers of Scribblenauts say that it was never their intention to include pejoratives in the game and that the word unfortunately made it past their play testers. The company was also very quick to point out that one of those play-testers is black; a fact which they assure us proves that they are not bigots.

An update to the game will be available soon. The update removes the word sambo, along with other potentially racist words like raccoon, monkey, ape, pancake and frog.

“We aren’t taking any chances by using words that might be misconstrued as racial epithets by people with low IQs and a deep-seeded distrust of technology,” said a spokesperson for 5th Cell.


Kotick to Be Visited by Three Ghosts

Bobby Kotick made the news again after his speech to a group of bankers about the game industry was mysteriously leaked to the public, presumably by one of the many reporters who attended the event.

“The goal I had when I brought a lot of the packaged goods folks into Activision was to take all the fun out of making video games,” Kotick said. “Fun is not what games are about. Fun has no place in this industry. But this isn’t really the kind of stuff that we should be talking about in front of gamers; let’s just keep this between you and me. It wouldn’t do us any good to have them [gamers] catch on.”

Later that evening, a reliable source told us that he saw Mr. Kotick telling an employee: “No, Mr. Cratchit! You may not have Christmas off to spend with your family.”

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