I’d just like to take this time to respond to some of your well-thought out criticisms:
Sorry Marion, it just isn’t the same.
Dude, a nice first try but really the comedy was either too subtle or non-existent. the last article wasn’t even funny.
Thank you for reminding me of a time when I was young. My brother and I used to go down to the train tracks every afternoon. Each day, we’d wave at the 2:24 eastbound train. The conductor, a jolly red-nosed Irishman, would wave to us and blow the horn twice as he passed while shouting, “Whoop, there it is.” Sometimes he’d stop the train and offer us a plug of Mighty Fine Chewing Tobacco and a snort of something that made my heart warm from his silver hipflask. In time, we came to learn that his name was Patrick O’Patrick and he was cousin to the legendary basketball player, Neil O’Patrick Harris.
But, like all things in life, things change; one day, that train stopped coming. You see, the train yard had been moved twenty miles down the road and Mr.O’Patrick would no longer share the wisdom of the rails with us. I still remember his parting words, “My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun.”
Of course, my brother and I were outraged at the change to the train schedule and did exactly what you’d expect two teenage boys to do: We went on the internet like a couple of jerks and impotently shared our outrage with people who didn’t really give a flying sexual act about it. We never saw Patrick again. Yet, his pearls of wisdom live on in me to this day, insights like: “You’ve got to lick it before you stick it.” Such a wise man… never have truer words been spoken.
I think we could all learn something here. Thanks to those of you who welcomed me so openly, I am just sorry that you don’t have columns in which I can return the favor.
Read on for rumors surrounding Edge Games CEO Tim Langdell teaming up with Jack Thompson, important TGS follow-up gossip, and information about how to get the Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Beta.
Is Doctor of Psychology and alleged trademark troll, Tim Langdell, teaming up with Jack Thompson to take on EA? The two met after Jack announced his potential return to the courtroom. He was disbarred for filing numerous frivolous lawsuits, among other things. The rumor mill was abuzz with theories about the two teaming up to dismantle the game industry through petty litigation and “expert” appearances on Fox and Friends.
But actually, this rumor turns out to be only half-true. It turns out that they did in fact meet after Dr. Langdell discovered that he needed a lawyer for his impending trial. Game publisher, EA, asked the patent office to remove several of Langdell’s patents registered by his company, Edge Games. Apparently, Thompson offered to represent Langdell in trade for services. Crazy Mike, our janitor and all ’round good guy, believes that this makes perfect sense, since it’s obvious that Mr. Thompson needs a psychologist.
Remember that pretty girl a certain charismatic gossip columnist met at TGS? The one who was dressed as Mai from King of Fighter and subsequently added said journalist to her Facebook? Well, it turns out that my previously reported rumors about a game journalist finding love in Japan may have been somewhat premature.
Aforementioned cosplayer was recently seen adding Adam Sessler, Brian Crecente, and that one dude from The Bonus Round. Leading experts at a local bar to believe that she’s a bimbo.
She still hasn’t responded to requests to join my gang in Mafia Wars, but she was seen updating her Facebook status in Japanese to either “Going to bed.” or “Underwear soup.” The online English to Japanese website wasn’t that clear, leaving at least one reporter wondering if he shouldn’t boil some of his old boxers.
The rumors of scammers masquerading as Microsoft and Bungie employees, offering Xbox Live customers a key for a secret Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Beta were found false. Reliable Source received an email from a contact at Microsoft reassuring us that “Microsoft employees routinely ask users for personal information such as: password, user name and credit card numbers to ensure that secret beta keys go only to users who can confirm their Xbox Live account login.”
If you receive an email detailing how you can get a secret Beta key for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, by all means, send them your login information and anything else they might need to determine whether or not you qualify.
In a completely unrelated story, Reliable Source is expecting to receive a full review copy of Modern Warfare 2, a pair of night-vision goggles and a jade bust of Captain Soap MacTavish once our SSN and banking information checks out.
Aside from Modern Warfare 2, this season’s list of highly anticipated games seems a little short, especially compared with last year’s titles. Some of that obviously has to do with the host of titles delayed until the first quarter of 2010. More interestingly, we’re seeing publishers question whether there will be AAA titles in the normally busy Christmas season next year. We all expect a new Rockband and/or Guitar Hero. There is no doubt about Call of Duty 7, and Nintendo will release a blood pressure test kit to go with your other super fun Wii diagnostic health equipment. Maybe it is too soon to break out your tea leaves and divine the future of games in 2010, but if history is any indication of what’s to come we should be at least slightly concerned.
One need only look at EA’s biggest selling title to see that big budget games see cause for alarm. In 2007, Madden raked in nearly 4 million dollars in the first month. In 2008, that number was closer to two million, and finally, the announcement of this year the sales caused a 19% loss in stock price for EA in August.
Is it that the market simply cannot support ten or more $60 games a year? Even the people with jobs are simply trying to save more as housing and retirement benefits sink to record lows. Do you think baby-boomers (No that’s not a new infected in Left 4 Dead.) are going to go out of their way to buy DJ Hero with the threat of not having medical insurance or retirement pay lurking over their heads? How about kids who can’t get jobs because their parents are refusing to retire?
I know that this may seem like more gloom and doom for gamers, but maybe there’s an unseen benefit to the potential absence of big games in 2010. This year, we saw a major triumph with digital distribution networks like Good Old Games and Steam. This success, coupled with a booming free-to-play games market, may mean that gamers finally have an alternative to buying entertainment at a premium when all they want is something fun to kill some time with.
I’m not saying that multi-million productions are going away, but perhaps 2010 will not see massive productions like another $250 version of The Beatles: Rockband. Instead, there may be more choices for gamers who have to choose between life essentials and entertainment. Choices that make more sense in a world where the joblessness rate is near 10% and most people can’t afford to go to the doctor.
Marion Cox is a weekly columnist at The Escapist, and is angry that you haven’t followed him on twitter.