Are we really still doing this? You know, I loved those doltish town guards in Thief. But that was 1998. It was okay that they were tireless, wall-staring machines. We forgave them for this because they were new and different and you can’t expect too much from a guy who is so low-polygon that he looks like a walking trapezoid.

But it’s been a while. It was eleven years between Thief and Velvet Assassin, and the bad guys are arguably dumber than ever. At one point in the game, I found a soldier who spent his guard duty time standing motionless and staring directly into a flickering Klieg light. That can’t be good for you. I thought in all that time while people were cooking up awesome new ways to make bump-mapped, alpha-blended particle foliage we could maybe make some dudes that were smarter and more animated than a garden gnome.

Not too much smarter mind you, because I still want to be able to knife them in the neck.

Shamus Young is the guy behind this website, this book, this other webcomic, and this program.

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