Stolen Pixels #209: Please Let Me Arrest You



I think my family got the impression Resident Evil 5 was some sort of voice-activated game based on how much time I spent screaming at the screen, “Shoot him! Shoot his face! Shut your stupid mouth and pull the trigger you damned fool!”

A lot of people mistakenly believe that Albert Wesker is the main villain of the game. They are wrong. Your adversary is main character Chris Redfield, who will foil your plans every time he’s released from your control in one of the many cutscenes. Chris and his sidekick Sheva will stand there doing nothing while the bad guy arms himself, pushes buttons, or injects himself with crazy mutagens. And I’m not just talking about once or twice. I counted eight different occasions where Chris had the bad guy (or girl) all lined up and refused to take action while they did as they pleased.

It is truly shocking how much screen time Chris spends with his mouth hanging open saying, “What? What’s going on? Stop doing that! Get back here! Who are you? What are you talking about? What? Huh?” You’ll spend two hours getting to the end of some godforsaken zombie-infested hellhole and finally get one of the bad guys alone and cornered. Then a cutscene happens and by the time it’s over you’ll be looking up the nostrils of some huge monster, zombies will be pouring from every opening, and the room will be on fire.

Protip: The screaming never works.

Shamus Young is the guy behind Twenty Sided, DM of the Rings, and Stolen Pixels, Shamus Plays, and Spoiler Warning. And none of that is his day job.

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