Guild Wars (Prophesies campaign) is a detailed study in the color brown. It has dark brown trees on light brown hilltops overlooking tan valleys filled with beige pools of water surrounded by mud-colored monsters.

But as long as you’re a male somewhere between puberty and death you should enjoy the visuals – provided you look at the avatars and not the landscape. The tragic scourging of the kingdom of Ascalon has buned all the farms, villages, homes, churches, and castles. Which means the wreched inhabitants don’t have anything to do all day but make fetish outfits and lacy underwear for their fierce army of pole-dancing supermodels.

Shamus Young is a programmer and writer by trade, videogame nitpicker by inclination. If you have the patience for more of his ramblings, they can be found at


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