There is a saying in golf, “If you can’t learn to play well, learn to enjoy playing it poorly.” This is exactly my approach to fighting games. I’m not a hyperactive teenager cranked out on Mountain Dew, so I don’t really meet the prerequisites for winning at this sort of thing. I paw ineptly at the controller and then Gruesome Things happen to my character for the next thirty seconds. Then the game calls me a loser and asks if I would like to have that happen to me again. For some unfathomable reason, I usually say, “Yes.”

As the computer torments my avatar, I’m vaguely aware that somewhere on GameFAQs there is probably a flowchart that, if I had a massive computerized brain, would allow me to follow through its many permutations until I discover the thread that leads to victory.

But really I’m just here to watch the ninja girl in her underpants beat up the emo guy with no shirt. I don’t see how that can ever get old.

Shamus Young is a programmer and writer by trade, videogame nitpicker by inclination. If you have the patience for more of his ramblings, they can be found at

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