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In World of Warcraft – as with most other MMOG’s – the rule seems to be that every hero must begin his or her career by murdering a bunch of docile little animals. I understand they want to make sure you can swing a mace without bashing yourself in the head before they give you anything important to do, but the initiation goes on for a little longer than seems necessary and after a while I can’t shake the feeling that they’re just messing with me.
After you’re done abusing the adorable little woodland creatures milling about, they start asking you to round up body parts from the stuff you kill. If it didn’t feel like a hazing ritual before then it will now. Your job as a hero of the realm is to open up your kills and gather up the nasty little bits of innards: intestines, eyes, teeth, hearts, skins. The pack of the average adventurer should be sticky, smelly, and *oozing*.
Next time you see some godlike maximum-level paladin, radiant with power and clad in glowing armor infused with potent magics, remember that his first day on the job serving The Light(tm) was spent caving in the heads of docile little kittens or dogs and scooping their guts into his bag.
Shamus Young is a programmer and writer by trade, videogame nitpicker by inclination. If you have the patience for more of his ramblings, they can be found at ShamusYoung.com.
Published: Jul 25, 2008 12:40 pm