Of all the videogame villains I’ve encountered over the years, the Wii Fit board is perhaps the most cunning and evil. No other antagonist has come so close to killing me in real life. The adorable little board acts as a scale, a coach, and a “friend” as you strive to lose weight. These are three roles that should never, ever be combined. It chirps out helpful advice, lets you know how long it’s been since your last workout, and tells you how fat you are. It does this cheerfully, which makes me think the little bastard delights in my suffering.

Since starting Wii Fit, my weight is down 4 lbs and my self-esteem is down about three hundred.

Shamus Young is a programmer and writer by trade, videogame nitpicker by inclination. If you have the patience for more of his ramblings, they can be found at

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