In response to “OMG Bewbs!” from The Escapist Forum: I am haunted by the ghost of Ivy’s boobs. Really, they were quite alarming, and their very presence made me suspicious of Soul Calibur 4 in general – was it such a weak game that it needed them? Possibly not – it was alright, not exactly a thrilling step up from SC3, but that should have been obvious as Ivy’s boobs were the whole topic of every preview article until its release. I preferred the fact you could re-enact Tom Of Finland pictures using parts of Voldo’s outfit but that still didn’t mean I played it for more than a week and felt a bit dirty afterwards.
I vote smaller boobs, they seem to indicate better quality. Anyone remember the slappable enormo-boobs from Freak Out/Stretch Panic? I do wish they’d settle on a figure for poor Lara though, I read she’s gone up a bra size again lately. I could be wrong, she may just have a thinner waist. Won’t someone think of the gameplay?
All in all, I actually don’t want my sexuality to be nudged by computer games. There’s something disturbing about catching yourself thinking dirty thoughts about them. Nathan Drake nearly crossed a very fine line for me; I had to keep him well away from waterfalls. I dread to think how heterosexual men live with themselves after playing Dead Or Alive or Tomb Raider. Do you just give in to it?
In response to “Boll Versus the World” from The Escapist Forum: I don’t have a lot of love for Boll’s movies (what I’ve seen so far is total crap) I have to respect his willingness to a) take risks and b) keep trying despite the flak. Most people, no matter how thick skinned, would have just thrown their hands up and said “the hell with this!” awhile ago, but he keeps on plugging. That shows a certain love of his craft that no amount of poor quality will completely wipe away.
That said, the guy does need to get away from video game movies. If this Tunnel Rats movie is anything like it sounds, it may prove he can make a good movie, as long as there is no game involved. For his sake, I hope so.
I’ll go ahead and say that his video-game-based movies didn’t really “matter” that much. Let’s face it, he was just turning one form of make-believe into another. The only people who really felt “hit” by his craptacular turns at the director’s chair were gamers who wanted to see a more true-to-the-material movie based on their favored intellectual property.
However, a movie on Darfur? That is an entirely different echelon there- a still-in-the-headlines humanitarian tragedy that has provoked strong feelings across all walks of life. Uwe Boll is spinning a lot of rope with this project; it’s entirely up to him whether he’ll use it to hang his career completely or pull it out of the pit it’s in.
If he pulls this off and delivers a respectable movie on the subject, I’ll give him all due respect.
In response to “Humping the Invisible Turkey” from The Escapist Forum: Someone made a GTA sex game just recently, got this off Rock Paper Shotgun.
Personally? Has anyone ever noticed how Wii Fit actually encourages sexual tension with the instructor? After hitting about 60 hours, the Wii Fit girl undid her pony tail for me. All my exercises with her are now with her hair down and I swear she smiles more often. The game has also blissfully stopped trying to make me work out with the male instructor. There’s no way in Hell I’m going to look at a generic video game guy’s ass while I’m standing in downward dog. Equally strange are the moments where Wii Fit Girl walks into the gym yawning and complaining about staying out too late last night. Personalizing the characters in a game are one thing…but creating virtual sexual tension with your gym instructor is quite another.
Plus, c’mon…her voice is really hot.
In response to “From the Barrel of a Gun” from The Escapist Forum: Stab in the dark here, but you don’t own any guns do you? Guns, first and foremost, are tools. There’s no dark, evil backstory about their creation. And, for the millions of people that own, use, and collect them, there’s nothing myth-like about them.
I think you’re looking at it wrong. Videogames aren’t failing at upholding the myth of the gun as a magic talisman where the mere sight of one wards off those wishing you harm. They’re succeeding at destroying that myth and more accurately portraying them as a tool to be used.
Condemned: Criminal Origins did a good portrayal of gun’s deadliness. Although only carrying one and not being able to reload could be interpreted as being unrealistic.
The guns were loud, powerful, often killing or incapacitating an enemy immediately, but at the same time you had to try and be conservative. A scary moment would make you accidentally fire, perhaps revealing yourself or at the least wasting scarce ammo. The machine gun was a perfect example of this, carrying the most ammo, but likely to be used the quickest due it its rapid rate of fire.
I felt more dangerous with a gun with one bullet then when wielding a fireaxe, despite the latter’s long potential long term use. Because I was thinking about surviving the next fight, not the one after that.
I felt it captured a little of what a gun should feel like. In HL2 the pistol with one bullet is useless but in real life its threatening and dangerous.
In response to “Late Braking, Fast Laps and Other Life Lessons” from The Escapist Forum: Brilliant article, and I’m glad to find somebody else to claim that racing games have helped them to drive. Gran Turismo was my first racing game. It was punishingly difficult for my ten-year-old self, especially the licence tests – to this day, I can’t complete the International A licence because of the vicious oversteer from the TVR Griffith.
Not only did the Gran Turismo series improve my knowledge about cars and their real-life behaviour – indispensible information when it came to driving later on – but it also helped to reignite my younger childhood love of cars, something which had been slipping away through the years. I’m part of a motorsport family myself – we’ve got a painting of a Porsche 917, Gulf colours and all, hanging over our stairs – but without something to feed the passion, the interest may have slipped altogether.
Now, I’m a simulation racer, throwing Caterhams and grand tourers around Monza and Imola in GTR Evolution. You can never be too prepared for what that sort of game will throw at you, but it’s the sort of challenge which has its own real-life analogue, unlike the majority of computer games. You’re learning something every time you get behind the steering wheel.