That Hollywood remake of Akira we’ve all been dreading? Looks like it’s headed into production.

According to Variety, Hollywood’s industry rag of note, Warner Bros. has scheduled production to begin in late February of 2012. Though most relevant details remain unknown at this early stage, the movie has been given a $90 million budget and is to be directed by Jaume Collet-Serra.

Don’t recognize the name? Don’t feel bad. Most prominently, Collet-Serra directed the 2005 Paris Hilton-starring House of Wax remake, and the more recent and infinitely-better-by-virtue-of-Liam-Neeson-murdering-dudes Unknown.

The real question now is who the studio will tap to play Kaneda and Tetsuo, the tale’s two pivotal male leads. Variety wafts the rumor that Garret Hedlund (the protagonist from the recent Tron: Legacy) “is considered a front-runner,” though the rumor fails to specify which part Warner Bros. would have him play.

Now that we’ve run out of even borderline-solid facts, I suppose we should take a moment to wring our collective hands at the news that Hollywood is no doubt going to destroy our cherished memories of this film via hyperactive editing, watered-down morality, and *gasp* Caucasoid characters!

Histrionics aside, would anyone like to point out solid, concrete reasons why this thing is going to be terrible? Like that relatively miniscule production budget? Or Garrett Hedlund’s propensity for being out-acted by those two robots from Daft Punk?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any faith in this remake, but I’m hoping the comments below will be of the “here is my list of salient, well thought-out points on why this film makes me sad” instead of various iterations of “OHNOES! The gaijins are ruining my animes!” followed by grotesquely detailed stories about tear-stained body pillows and wall scrolls being shredded in rage.

Go to it my little otaku. Make me proud.

Source: Variety, via Twitch

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