Asking a girl's dad for permission to go out with his daughter

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How, exactly, does asking her dad for permission prove to her that you can protect her? Other than protecting her from the horrors of informality, of course.

nope, because its stupid yo ask the parents permission, far starters, parents dont get a say in who there children date. secondly already never get along with parents so it would end badly anyway, and lastly if i found my self in the reverse of this and some one came asking me for permission and make the lil bastard run thro hoops

Think it's a stupid chauvinistic tradition, and I hate ultimatums, so no.

Everin:
So, if you loved a girl and she loved you, but the one condition for you two to go out would be asking her father's permission, would you do it? The reason she wants you to do this is to show you have the courage to look after her, and she's looking for someone that can protect her and asking her father's permission proves this to her, would you do this?
I ask this 'cause when I asked my girlfriend out, I had to ask her father's permission and I did it cause she's worth it, but I was wondering how everyone else would come at this 'problem'. And what do you think about this 'ritual' or thing that some girl's want you to do?

Not sure I like the idea "having a guy to look after me" or you having to ask my dad...he doesnt own me

I realise now thease days im beggining to feel like an angrey feminist

If I were a guy I supose I would be kinda scared...but then again I have every right to ask and if he says no.....could he really stop me from seeign her? (that said I would make myself worth saying yes too)

anyway

Just a thought - how would you know that you _loved_ someone if you hadn't gone out with them? I figured the whole dating process was to get to know someone, and _then_ falling in love, but maybe I'm just old-fashioned.

Anywho, to answer your question, I'd find it pretty ridiculous. Now I'm a girl, so this problem wouldn't typically apply to me, but the custom of asking a father's permission for, well, pretty much anything (dating, marriage, all that crap), is saying that this girl can't make decisions for herself, and that her father pretty much owns her. It's the same as the custom of the father 'giving away' the bride on her wedding day - passing a possession from one owner to another. The mere thought is insulting.

When my girlfriend and I started dating, the only person we actually asked (and more informed than asked really) was her ex-boyfriend. Reason why? He's an old friend of mine, and we wanted to avoid problems. So I sat down and had a chat with him to make sure he knew what the situation was and that he was cool with it.
No, I didnt steal her off him; and no, she didnt cheat on him with me - the two of them were already seperated before I made a move.

I think her Dad actually found out several weeks later and about the only thing he said was 'oh, okay.'

I wouldn't have to ask her dad. If it was a requirement or such a big deal to her we wouldn't be dating anymore for a multitude of reasons.

if a girl considers herself to be her father's property, that's ten billion kinds of crazy that you don't want to mess with. the only person you have to ask for a date is the girl herself, so i would never want someone who gave me this kind of ultimatum.

You had to ask her father's permission to take her to a movie and maybe MacDonald's afterwards??

Are you a time traveller from 1911?? Good grief...

Lad, I've met my girlfriend's parents after the fact... The only person that can actually give you 'permission' is, after all, her.

EDIT:

Sounds like she's from a very old fashioned family... Tread carefully. Don't let them see a tv or they'll think it's a soul trapping box.
Leave the iPhone at home, goes without saying!

always worth the brownie points with the parents to do that :D

Everin:
So, if you loved a girl and she loved you...

I do believe you just answered your own question in the first sentence of your post sir. If you truly loved someone, it wouldn't matter what they wanted you to do. You would do your best to accomplish it. If she was on a trip in another city, state, country and said she was scared and wanted you there. I bet there wouldn't be anything that could stand in your way to get to her. So if you love her something as simple as asking her father's permission doesn't seem so bad.

gbemery:

Everin:
So, if you loved a girl and she loved you...

I do believe you just answered your own question in the first sentence of your post sir. If you truly loved someone, it wouldn't matter what they wanted you would do. You would do your best to accomplish it. If she was on a trip in another city, state, country and said she was scared and wanted you there. I bet there wouldn't be anything that could stand in your way to get to her. So if you love her something as simple as asking her father's permission doesn't seem so bad.

:) This seems like the best post in the whole thread, to be honest. Literally, everyone else seems to be against doing anything little for your love, but this seems to sum up how I feel perfectly. Kudos to you, kind sir :)

That's pretty weird, and out dated, but sure, why not?

Geekiest:
From my experience of friends who have asked or expected that from their boyfriends, it's been more a matter of courtesy to give their family a designated time to ask questions of him so she doesn't have to field all the "What's he do? What's he believe? Who're his parents?" questions and all their crazy cousins on her own. He's the one used to answering those questions for himself, better he do it.

That, and I had one friend who did it so that he couldn't claim they'd never been "really dating" afterward. She had two boyfriends who claimed they'd never really been dating exclusively or anything so after that they had to tell her family or it was a no go. Hard to claim you're not dating if you tell a girl's family you are.

What? What does that even mean? They cheated on your friend or something and we're like "nah brah, we were never, like, exclusive and shit, chyeah."

I'd have done it in high school.

Not so much now, I've never dated a girl who cared what her dad thought enough for me to ask.

Everin:
The reason she wants you to do this is to show you have the courage to look after her, and she's looking for someone that can protect her and asking her father's permission proves this to her, would you do this?

What? How does asking her dad to date her show you can look after her? Wouldn't, you know, looking after her show that?

I'm not sure what other people seem to think but dad's don't really bust out shotguns when you date their daughters. Unless they're like a crime boss or some shit. In which case, don't date someone who's family is involved in organised crime.

No. It's too old timey and I shouldn't have to run some stupid errand to prove that I can take care of her. Asking her dad if can date her proves nothing other than that I can talk to her dad.

KapnKerfuffle:
What I'm saying is you should talk to her through a tube and dry hump her in her bed if you are serious about tradition.

I've just woken up, but I would put money on this being the best post of the day.

I've never liked this idea of the dad giving away his daughter. Woman are not objects which you can own or control, so yeah.

Look, I never asked my wife's father to marry her. Why? Because if I'm ready to make the commitment to stay with her for the lifetime we have, then that is good enough.

In your case, your asking this girls father if its OK to take his daughter out on a date. Now this isn't a bad thing, but its too traditional and times have changed and people need to also change. The father should say: you don't have to ask for my permission, she's not my property.

So yeah, when I have a daughter, she dates who she wants, what ever ethnic background she wants. I'll just treat all her boyfriends the same: You beat my daughter, I will hunt you down and break every bone in your body, but if you don't hit her, then welcome to our family.

I do agree that dads are too over protective. I really don't understand the reason for this. I personally think the dad wants to have special relations with their daughter some times. It kind of grosses me out.

Everin:

gbemery:

Everin:
So, if you loved a girl and she loved you...

I do believe you just answered your own question in the first sentence of your post sir. If you truly loved someone, it wouldn't matter what they wanted you would do. You would do your best to accomplish it. If she was on a trip in another city, state, country and said she was scared and wanted you there. I bet there wouldn't be anything that could stand in your way to get to her. So if you love her something as simple as asking her father's permission doesn't seem so bad.

:) This seems like the best post in the whole thread, to be honest. Literally, everyone else seems to be against doing anything little for your love, but this seems to sum up how I feel perfectly. Kudos to you, kind sir :)

People do tend to over look the little things when it comes to relationships. When those small things are usually the most important. Anyone can be there for or do the major things that are needed in a relationship such as telling the person you love them or going out of your way to do something for them. But its those small things that not everyone is willing to do because they don't seem that important, such as a small request, that truly prove you love someone and that you'll be there for them.

Lyri:

Volkov:

/thread. If a girl gives you that kind of conditions, toss her to the side of the road, cuz otherwise, sooner or later she'll do that to you.

The reason she wants you to do this is to show you have the courage to look after her, and she's looking for someone that can protect her and asking her father's permission proves this to her, would you do this?
People do this alot, they want to find the right qualities in people they date. What was asked was not an ultimatum.

People don't do this alot, some few women do.
Maybe a tiny amount of men, never heard about or seen that.
You see, most people don't like constantly being tested.

Here is a test I was exposed to;
"I don't have that much cash at the moment, could you put out for me?"
What do you think the correct answer to that is?
Its not what you might think.

Point being; if you did ask him she may just dump you for being too whipped/old fashioned/whatever.

But I would probably ask, after asking why it is important to her.

It is an outdated custom, and requiring permission from the father should not be necessary. On the other hand, talking matters over with either or preferably both parents is desirable. There is a great deal of concern on the parents part when dealing with a child's romantic relationships, this is especially true for a daughter. Talking to her parents, whether or not you actually seek permission, is almost always a good thing.

If I had a daughter I would like to know what scum of the earth she's dating, yes.

My dad wouldn't give a shit who I see tbh it wouldn't be worth a bloke asking for my hand, though my partner did ask my brother's permission because they're best mates and we all grew up together. That was sweet :) x

If someone - anyone - feels the need to 'test' their relationship or a person like that, there is already something wrong.

Anyone who gives such ultimatums is not worth knowing. The logic behind the request is also incredibly faulty as asking her father for something does not prove that I would be able to 'protect' her in any way, if not prove things to the contrary.

Now, if they instead asked me to ask their father's permission because they were too nervous about it to do it themselves (They should never have to, by the way) it would be a different story although I would have a lot of very unpleasant questions about their and their father's behaviour, or if she simply wanted me to meet her parents first that would be totally fine; but as the situation stands?

Fuck that.

geez guys, it's not the sixties anymore.
If I had a daughter I really wouldn't need a guy to ask me before he could date her.
mainly because I've raised her to be smart enough to know who she should and shouldn't date
of course I'd want to meet him, but not before they even start dating.

If her father is a dick, no. If he's a reasonable person, yes.

However, I don't see this happening anymore. Rabid individualism has overpowered old-fashioned rituals like this.

Everin:
So, if you loved a girl and she loved you, but the one condition for you two to go out would be asking her father's permission, would you do it? The reason she wants you to do this is to show you have the courage to look after her, and she's looking for someone that can protect her and asking her father's permission proves this to her, would you do this?
I ask this 'cause when I asked my girlfriend out, I had to ask her father's permission and I did it cause she's worth it, but I was wondering how everyone else would come at this 'problem'. And what do you think about this 'ritual' or thing that some girl's want you to do?

I wouldn't do it, if the girl or guy want me to prove my love or capability by some test she or him can piss right off.
I don't see any direct problem in asking about the fathers permission. But as you probably notice, I just don't like the idea to prove myself being "worthy" in some way, "take me as I am or piss off."

image
You shouldn't have to ask the father if you want to be with the girl it should solely be up to her whether she wants to be with you or not. If a girl starts proposing ultimatums then I know it's time to get the fuck out of there.
What would happen if he says no? would she just leave you because of her father's disagreement with you dating/marrying her?

Fleeker has hit the nail on the head. well said dude :D

Given that we don't live in medievil Europe...no.

My G/F didn't require my mum's approval (though she has it anyway), so why do I need her dad's?

I would understand if it was asking for her hand in marriage but...I guess it's understandable on this part, at least the father would know the face of the person who is going to love his daughter. It also closes the gap much quicker between you too since if you are serious with her than if you go off without telling or even the family not knowing.

This thread is so absolutely rediculous. It really makes me worry about my generation and how stuck-up and self-absorbed they are.

Guys, she's just asking you to ask her father for permission. Believe it or not, she's lived, and more than likely trusts, him far longer than she's known and trusted you. Asking your potential suitor to meet the family, regardless of what formalities are taken to do so, is customary and should be expected. So she does it a little old fashioned, what's the huge deal? This speaks louder about the guy's attachement to the relationship than the girl's.

The piece that really grinds my gears is that most people are saying they'd tell the girl to sod off and merrily skip away back to their single lives. Really? Really!? You'd give up a relationship just because of one, simple request? Guess what guys. Girls test you. It's that simple. In any relationship, the one being sought after tests their suitor and that's just fact. Why? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that they might not have made up their mind about you. Believe it or not, humans are very complex beings and require in-depth analysis to get the full breadth of their character, which is what tests like these do. If you ask him, regardless of what answer he gives you, it proves you have the courage to stand up for her and do something that is widely regarded as feared by most guys. And no where does it say that she cares about what the answer her father gives, so even if he says no she would probably still date you for the fact that you stood up for your convictions.

The bottom line is, if you're not willing to go through with such a simple request, your relationship is doomed to fail because you probably don't care about the other person to begin with. It's child-like behaviour to expect that everything goes your way, and though it could be argued that the same logic could be used against this argument, the fact that it's a reasonable request makes the guy just look silly if he's against it. Relationships are about compromise and not being willing to take the first step as the seeker of the relationship just proves you're not willing to put any effort into it.

i would, but it would be odd. i wouldn't expect to.

My husband asked my mum and brother's permission if he could marry me.

I found it an incredibly respectful and graceful gesture of asking to be accepted into our family, even though I didn't ask him to do it.

I don't appreciate the gesture of forcing me, but probably. As long as he isn't the angry-farmer-with-a-big-ass-gun type.

I don't really get that, though. Asking before you propose to her, sure. But I think just going out with the girl is between you and her. I don't see why he's involved.

people still do that in the colonies? wow^^ someone should drag you into the 21st century, no matter how bad you kick and scream^^

To date? No. Once we started going out I'd be more then happy to meet the parents to help get rid of any fears they may have about me. Also, if the father and daughter are close, I'd either ask for the Dad's permission to marry her or at least give him a little warning that I was going too.

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