If you’re still reading my column (and if you are, bravo, you’re a beautiful human being) you probably skip right over this introductory paragraph. I know I do. Anyways, I didn’t really like the old one, so I’m just going to write something new here each time. Any first time readers: the comics aren’t being judged by a standard measure of quality but instead by my arbitrary opinions, most of which come from how cool something in the comic is.
The discerning reader may be able to infer from my earlier issue that I’m a big Conan fan. As such, I’m also a big fan of Robert E. Howard, the man who invented Conan and looks a lot like Al Capone. Why am I telling you this, you ask? Well, something only the most detailed historians such as myself know is that Howard also created other characters, too, including Solomon Kane, which brings me to the topic of the week: Solomon Kane: Death’s Black Riders #1.
The story takes place in Germany’s Black Forest, which is where (or so Wikipedia tells me) ham of the same name comes from. What makes the Black Forest so special is that bandits wander around it attacking gypsies. Wait, that’s not special at all.
In order to protect his daughter, one of the gypsies summons himself up some Black Riders, which are these crazy demon monsters that look really cool. Dark Horse thought it would be a really great idea to not put a picture of them looking awesome in the preview, so I can’t show it to you. In my infinite wisdom, however, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can show you some pictures from a different website, in this case a (really cool) interview with the artist that includes some of his monster designs, including the Black Riders.
Now that I’ve given you a little background on the Black Forest, let me tell you a little about Solomon Kane. Most reasonable (read: remotely sane) people would just stay the hell out of the Black Forest. But not Solomon Kane. Solomon Kane hunts these things. Did they murder his family? Tarnish his reputation? Touch his no-nos? Nope – as far as I can tell, his motivation is “for shits and giggles.”
Anyways, these Black Riders apparently think that the best way to save the gypsies’ daughter is to kill all the other gypsies and burn their wagon down. My favorite moment in the whole comic is when Solomon Kane attacks one of the Riders holding the gypsy girl (remember, the demon is actually tasked with saving the girl) causing it to throw her against a tree, killing her instantly. Kane, ever the paragon of virtue, says (to paraphrase) “oh well, at least the demon didn’t get her” and then promptly teams up with the remaining bandit/would-be rapist.
And then they start digging graves with their swords. Kane is one cool dude.
Solomon Kane: Death’s Black Riders is probably my favorite comic so far. If my opinion means anything to you (hahah, yeah right) then you should pick up this comic because it’s got some really awesome monsters.
6 people/horses slain.
3 monsters slaughtered.
0 morals questioned.
And because The Escapist is giving out reviews to games:
I give this comic 4 out of 5 fancy hats!
Andy Rose wonders how they get all the teeth out of his ham.