Sorry to break it to you cheaters, but apparently Battlefield 3 developer DICE is sick of your shenanigans.

Was that lede written purely so I could use the word “shenanigans?” Why yes it was!

Anyway, in a recent screed posted to the official Battlefield 3 blog, the developer swore a blood oath to players, promising that it would root out any cheaters, no matter where they hide. You’d think with all the melodramatic build up that DICE was planning to flay these people alive or have them ripped apart by EA-branded horses, but no, they’ll pretty much just get banned.

From the aforementioned blood oath:

At DICE, we will never tolerate cheaters. Life on the battlefield can be harsh, especially when you’re up against the fantastic flying duo. But it should never be a case of you losing because someone is outright cheating.

We have always taken cheating seriously. Starting today, we will further intensify our efforts to hunt down and rid Battlefield 3 of cheaters. Stats wiping and banning this disruptive minority is the only way they will understand that they are ruining the game for others. We do this for the millions of dedicated players out there who deserve a fair game, every game.

The post also includes info on what to do if you feel that you’re the victim of cheating. Short version: Sign in to Battlelog, find the name of the jerk who wronged you, and click on the little triangle icon at the top right of their profile. Apparently this flags their account for review by DICE? The post isn’t entirely clear on what happens after you hit that triangle, but I’m sure it’s a horrific yet suitable punishment for anyone who would dare besmirch the name of online gaming with illicit cheats.

Speaking as someone whose interest in online multiplayer shooters was revived by Battlefield 3 after a decade of lying face down in a ditch, I applaud DICE’s efforts to punish those who would exploit fair play in a quest for some baffling shred of personal fulfillment. Granted, I’m still hoping EA will give the developer the go ahead to crush these jerks with huge stones, but in the mean time perhaps more liberal use of the banhammer works just as well.

And if not, we could always impale them on long, pointy sticks.

Source: Battlefield 3

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