Drinks Are On Me!

I know I haven’t made a deal of it or anything, but it’s my birthday. I usually don’t roll with big celebrations; I prefer to retire to a dive bar with a few good friends. Well, good friends, the internets doesn’t have a such a bar, so we’ll have to raise glasses from across the globe. The following recipes are inspired by some of my favorite franchises, rather than lifted from, so my apologies if you’re looking for Romulan Ale.

Be legal, safe, and not stupid. Cheers!



Technically this should be a “William the Bloody,” but I didn’t want to screw with the established parallelism. William the Bloody is better known these days as “Spike,” one of my favorite characters from Buffy. Brunch is my favorite meal. There was no way I could omit this beautiful convergence from my birthday beverages. (Just be thankful it isn’t human blood and Weetabix.)

-2 ½ parts pepper vodka
-1 ½ parts tomato juice
-dash Worcestershire sauce
-dash hot sauce (can very according to taste)

Ice up your rocks glasses, and add the vodka, Worcestershire, and hot sauce. Add tomato juice to fill.

Note this is a vodka-heavy version; feel free to mix around to find your preferred blend. Celery is a traditional accompaniment, but I prefer pickles.



Luke probably wasn’t knocking back any booze with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, but that’s not to say he didn’t want to. A couple of these will take the edge off your struggles with your daddy issues or the Galactic Empire, but make sure not to get behind the wheel of your landspeeder afterwards. A tip for purists: Just use a drop of food coloring, unless you’re looking for a deep blue bantha milk experience.

-2 oz vodka
-1 oz coffee liqueur (like Kahlua)
-blue food coloring

Fill an old-fashioned glass with your vodka and liqueur, and add cream to fill.

Top off with a drop of blue food coloring and give a gentle stir.



I know I’ve already reworked Jean-Luc’s beverage of choice, but this cocktail begged to be mixed, and Stewart looks straight up drunk in this photo. There are other versions of Earl Grey Martinis (or mar”tea”nis) out there calling for egg whites, but I don’t like futzing with foam. Give me my martinis clear, cold, and straight up.

-3 oz gin
-1 tsp. Earl Grey tea leaves
-2 oz simple syrup
-1 ½ oz fresh lemon juice, 1 lemon wedge
-white sugar

Steep the tea leaves in the gin for about two hours. Strain gin gently; pressing the tea leaves will give you gross, bitter gin.

Create a sugar rim on your martini glass: Sprinkle the sugar onto a shallow place. Moisten the edge of the glass with the lemon wedge, and dip the edge of the glass gently into the sugar.

Pour the strained gin, lemon juice, and simple syrup over ice in a shaker. Cover; shake until container frosts over on the outside.

Pour into your prepared glasses. Garnish with a lemon twist.

Make it so.



If you ignore the alien pregnancy, and the shape-shifting momma alien, Gwen Cooper’s wedding was probably a lot of fun. Shame no one will remember it, though, as the Torchwood team passed out the champagne with a healthy dose of RetCon to wipe the happy, gruesome day from everyone’s mind. I’d like to remember my birthday sans amnesia, thank you, so here’s the champagne cocktail I’ll be toasting with.

-half-bottle of champagne
-¼ cup orange juice
-¼ cup pineapple juice
-1 tablespoon orange liqueur
-Orange and/or pineapple wedges

Divide the champagne between a pair of champagne flutes. Drink any excess.

Stir the juices together, and pour the mixture over the champagne.

Top each flute off with half the orange liqueur, and garnish with the fruit wedge of your choice. (If you want us to be toasting with total synchronicity, you’ll use pineapple.)

Recommended Videos



Jayne Cobb described mudder’s milk as having “all the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma’s best turkey dinner, plus fifteen percent alcohol.” This may not have all the nutritional value, but it looks pretty muddy, and certainly tastes better. Like the drink that inspired it, you’ll want to down this pretty quickly. Bad things’ll happen if you let it sit around.

-½ shot irish cream liqueur (like Bailey’s)
-½ shot irish whiskey (like Jameson)
-1 pint Guinness stout

Fill a pint glass about ¾ full of Guinness, consume the rest.

Layer the liquors in a shot glass: First the cream liqueur, then the whiskey.

Drop the shot glass into the pint glass and drink the whole thing fast, as fast as you can.



They say the spice must flow, and it’s flowing right into this drink. A lot of cinnamon drinks have a warming effect, which is great, but I can’t imagine standing on Arrakis and wanting a warming beverage. This is a cooling cocktail with the drunkening effects of Goldschläger. Be cautious.

-3 oz Goldschläger
-7 oz lemon lime soda (like Sprite)
-2 oz grenadine

Shake in an ice-filled shaker, serve straight up.

Overuse may turn your eyes bright blue. Don’t be drinking if you’re pregnant, but especially not this.



Just because I’ve deemed Stargate difficult to cook, here’s a speedy blue martini. Drink enough of these little guys, and they’ll start to look like glowing stargates when viewed from above.

-3 oz gin or vodka, your preference (I prefer vodka)
-½ oz dry vermouth
-1 tsp blue Curaçao
-1 tsp fresh lemon juice

Shake in an ice-filled shaker, serve straight up.

Add a lemon twist if you’re feeling fancy.

The Escapist is supported by our audience. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn a small affiliate commission. Learn more
related content
Read Article Why I Allow Mickey Mouse to Rob Me Blind
Read Article They Nominated Who for a What Now? Examining the Oscars
Read Article ReCape: “Scales”
Related Content
Read Article Why I Allow Mickey Mouse to Rob Me Blind
Read Article They Nominated Who for a What Now? Examining the Oscars
Read Article ReCape: “Scales”