An unemployed Pennsylvania idiot is in the slammer for using his girlfriend’s Porsche to chase her down and run her off the road after she got tired of his no-good, lazy ways and took his PlayStation with her to work.
42-year-old idiot Darren Suchon doesn’t have a job, but he has the next-best thing: A girlfriend who owns a Porsche. So he probably thought it was okay to spend his days goofing around with his PlayStation while she went off to earn a living. But his lady friend, Colleen Frable, didn’t see it in quite the same light. She finally got tired of his lollygagging ways and decided one day to help him overcome his bad habits by taking his console with her when she went to work.
This, it turns out, was more than enough to get Suchon off the couch. In a rage, he hopped into her fine, gold-colored 1996 German sports car and chased her down route 248, waving his arms, yelling, nearly crashing into her “several times” and twice forcing her onto the shoulder of the road. Finally, when it became clear that she wasn’t interested in listening to reason, Suchon executed the next step in his well-formulated plan by rear-ending her while she was stuck at a red light.
That led Frable to pull into a nearby parking lot to find out double-you-tee-eff, after which Suchon hopped out of the banged-up Porsche and began yelling at her and trying to force down her window. He fled the scene when two men emerged from a nearby business to see what the fuss was all about. Frable then continued to work, where she called 911.
After his arrest, Suchon told police that Frable had taken his console with her to work once before and he simply didn’t want her to do it again. “I just wanted the game, I would never hurt her,” he said. “I just wanted the game.” The idiot, who added that he “didn’t know what the big deal was,” is currently in jail under $25,000 bail and faces charges of simple assault, reckless endangerment, harassment, disorderly conduct, reckless driving and driving with a suspended or revoked license.
Questions as to why a woman whose other car really is a Porsche would keep an unemployed bum around the house while she went to work every day were unanswered at press time, but idiocy is suspected.